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Think of these mini podcasts like voice memos reaching out to you from a friend through the isolation. Except better, because they include tools for growing intimacy between yourself and those you care about. Note: podcasts come out Monday and each week there is an assignment for you to practice! Be sure to tune in, engage the practice and leave me a note about what you learned! Each assignment will build on the previous week‘s podcast. Dr. Jessica Tartaro (she/her) is a cis-gendered, able b ...
 
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show series
 
When conflict takes over your relationships, most people default to silence. But silence wounds our relationships. When you use this tool, you won’t have to pay the price of silence between you and your loved ones again. 1:45 I’ve been seeing a lot of this in my private practice1:58 Intimacy will show us the state of our hearts2:24 Relationship cha…
 
Reflective listening is deceptively simple. Anyone can practice it. And it has the potential to help us “catch up” when overwhelming events can be too much to digest on our own. 1:30 Emotionally metabolize events that are too big 2:15 Listening for dummies (not really) 2:35 A reflective listening example 3:04 It’s okay to be skeptical 3:40 It just …
 
When the going gets tough in relationship, sometimes you need more than words to reconnect you - you need bodies. In this episode "teaser", I introduce why sex as a practice can save and sustain your connection over the long term. Check out the full show on Patreon.com/DrTararoIntimacyCoaching. 00:48 The door is closed and I’m going to share more c…
 
Having things unsaid in a relationship will clog the pipes of your connection. In this episode, I explain that it’s never too late to get vulnerable and bring the flow back. 00:49 Big announcement about “Under 10” 1:39 Where to find me on Patreon going forward 2:10 What “getting stuck” means 2:43 You know you’ve gotten stuck when these things are h…
 
“Just moving on '' after the worst of the pandemic poses major risks to our quality of life and capacity to connect. When you have the courage to slow down and honor what you just went through, you can retrieve and re-integrate the parts of you that got “stuck” in the stressors of the last two years. 1:15 Tempting to just put the stressors of the l…
 
In this week’s episode, I delve into the importance of a self-pleasure practice and specific steps you can take to create or deepen your practice. Whether you’ve been pleasuring yourself for a lifetime or have never felt ready – until now – I’m grateful you’re along for this exploration. 1:56 Yes, masturbation can be a practice 2:10 What happens to…
 
Most people feel some shame about masturbation. Yet self-pleasuring is a powerful way to know what your body wants. In this episode, I tell the story of how I met the Grandmother of Masturbation and invite you to reflect on your earliest messages about your body’s pleasure. 1:01 Exploring your body shows you what feels good and what doesn’t 1:23 I …
 
In the moments when your feelings are bigger than you can handle, it’s important to have options. In this show, I share three “go to” principles to practice both when you most need it and especially in the times when you don’t. 1:35 No one-size-fits-all solution 2:13 You have to notice where you are in order to change it 2:55 Tracking in low stakes…
 
When we only show our outsides to each other, we can feel alone. In this episode, I show you my insides and give you permission to do the same and to feel how connected we truly are. 1:05 There’s one main problem with being f*cked up 1:33 What if we had that social permission slip? 2:00 My intimacy coaching program gave us permission 2:55 I make an…
 
Though it may seem simple, opening with gratitude when what you want in love touches you can shake you to your core. In this episode, I explain why and offer you practices for growing this capacity. 1:21 Caveat: you may not like this story 1:40 Something very delicious in my life 2:33 What do you notice? 2:52 The first principle – the ability to jo…
 
When you start to get what you want in love, a whole new challenge arises – the opportunity to learn to live life at a higher voltage. In this episode, I offer you practices for expanding gradually so you can receive what you want without getting in your own way. 1:15 My friend Dina and her new, hot and heavy relationship 2:07 There’s a catch. 3:23…
 
You can spend your life focusing on what you don't want and criticizing the people who want to help you. Or you can get oh-so-turned on about the best two minutes of your life. You decide. 1:40 The negativity bias saves us time and again 3:00 But it undermines us in love 3:40 Quote by Dr. Rick Hansen to help understand this sticky phenomenon 4:28 C…
 
Without knowing what you want, you will have a very hard time getting it. In this episode, I explore how to clear the channel between you and the voice of what you want so that you can hear the animal of your desire. 1:05 In order to ask for it, you have to have a clue about what you want 2:55 Your desires may be muted under messages about what you…
 
In this episode, I attempt to normalize why asking for what you need whether big or small can feel scary when you think it might rock the boat of your intimate relationship. 1:30 Dr. Brene Brown’s definition of vulnerability 1:50 In order for love to get in, we have to get uncomfortable 2:54 The high stakes of intimate partnership 3:43 You have let…
 
In this episode, I introduce two principles for growing community that I have learned from my years of starting groups. In this era of prolonged social isolation, it’s revolutionary to still find ways to gather. I invite you to get your hands dirty with me and try. 1:21 My parents first showed me how to grow community 2:25 Community is not incident…
 
Individual therapy is important. But it will never alone fill the needs that community so powerfully meets. We need the village more than ever. In this episode I explain how being a part of a healthy community, in addition to doing your personal work, is key for activating our blueprint for health. 1:05 I recently burned myself - the scar is ugly 2…
 
Most people never learned why talking matters in our love making. In this episode, I explain how words in bed are the road signs orienting you for the journey and teach you three different forms of communication you can use to connect to your partner during your sex. 1:55 The majority of people learned about sex this way 3:05 Sex without words is n…
 
Everyone gets triggered. What makes the difference between constant breakdown and healthy relating is what you tell yourself and how you mend. In this episode, I invite you to bring compassion to your triggers so you can learn from and heal these moments. 1:30 The pitfall of resolutions 2:24 How we fall prey to the shame monster 3:30 Here’s the act…
 
In Episode #50, I share with you a secret about my sex life and reveal a lesson that I’ve been teaching you all along throughout all my previous forty-nine episodes, though you may not have realized it was actually about sex. 1:38 Climax in movies or literature 2:38 The “plotline” of our sexual experience 3:15 Our bodies don’t always follow the scr…
 
Unless you have the training, it can be easy to talk at people rather than learning how to talk to them, leaving you lonely and disconnected. In this episode, I introduce you step-by-step to the simple, life changing practice of “tracking impact” and creating rich connection in conversation. 1:21 My client told me that our sessions were different 2…
 
Pet names are sweet and fun. But if you use them too early in your relationship, you risk falling in love with an idea of a sweetheart rather than the actual person. Here’s how you can avoid that pitfall and help your relationship last. 1:30 Remember the beginning of your last relationship 1:46 The filter we see new lovers through 2:29 Milan Kunder…
 
Instead of only sounding in your love making when you feel pleasure, in this episode I explain why you might moan in order to expand your pleasure and in so doing, become a source of your own enchantment. 1:08 I’ll be talking about sex in this episode 1:27 Redefining the term “making love” 2:05 The story that inspired this episode 4:23 Pleasure and…
 
It can be easy to rush through a quick squeeze without realizing that hugs can be a source of deep nourishment for our relationships. In this episode, I introduce you to the four principles for learning to give good hugs. 1:11 These two men said I give good hugs. 1:50 I admit, they were right. 2:23 The Four Principles of Hugging Well 2:30 Principle…
 
Healthy intimacy is not a given. It takes practice, especially when we don’t feel like relating. In this episode, I break down how to align with your desire for connection even through your resistance. 00:55 Intimacy in all forms is a practice. 1:21 I’m not not talking about sex. 2:20 The “rest of the story” for me and my husband in this stressful …
 
Following the intensity of last week’s podcast, this week’s show is about the period of rest after the expansion, why down time is so important and my favorite suggestions for how to nurture your nervous system. 1:14 How I first learned about coming down 2:17 What you do after the intensity matters for long term well being 3:12 I’ve overlooked come…
 
In this episode, I share the sad yet empowering story of our recent miscarriage and how that event challenged and deepened my bond with my husband and brought me closer to my community. May this account help others on a similar path to know you are not alone and that we can talk about this. 1:15 Trigger warning 1:25 My intention in telling my story…
 
The hard times in life are unavoidable. But feeling alone and isolated inside of them is not. How we listen when our loved ones are struggling can make all the difference. 1:21A hypothetical, low stakes conversation and three options for listening 2:20 Do you hear any difference across options? 2:59 The distinction between “attention out” and “atte…
 
Loss hurts. And in the face of it, we can easily resist. When we consider softening something – anything – when we confront loss, we stand to birth new parts of ourselves from which to keep living. 1:17 I share a personal story of epic love, high stakes and loss. 3:09 When in your life did your dreams dissolve? 3:30 The dilemma of the “fix it” mind…
 
Pacing our communication and seeking consent for the small and big transitions in conversation can smooth the rough edges of our relating and build trust. In this episode, I share this “relational superpower” with you step-by-step. 1:13 I tell you what I’m going to do before I do it (aka this is the tool) 2:02 I define consent 2:30 What gets in the…
 
Shame keeps us small, cut off from our instincts and separate. In this episode, I teach you a practice for taking your power back from shame as well as helping others do the same. 1:42 Definition of shame from Dr. Brene Brown 2:33 Get curious about your own relationship to shame. 3:20 No one is unlovable – but we can forget. 3:38 Shame is like a sl…
 
The default is to see others through a narrow lens of what separates us. In Episode 38, I challenge you to look for what connects you to others and take your power back to shape your perception of the people around you. 1:20 I serenade you. 2:32 When we are scared, our tendency is to find someone we can pin the pain on. 2:45 I define what it means …
 
Though it’s easy to blame our partners when we feel turned off, sometimes it’s ourselves that we have fallen out of love with, not them. Beginning by restoring our relationship to ourselves can salvage our love affairs. 1:10 How the pattern of compromise begins 2:15 Denying the self to avoid conflict 2:49 A very important truth – sit down for this …
 
If eye gazing makes you squirm, you aren’t alone. But have you ever wondered why? In this episode, I describe the process by which eye gazing reveals the truth of our hearts. 1:07 A first eye gazing exercise 2:66 A peek into what I teach couples in intimacy coaching sessions 3:22 The instruction is to keep coming back 3:55 When we hold another’s ga…
 
It’s easy for relationships to burn hot and to burn quickly out. But if you’re after lasting love, it’s the friendship that you will want to prioritize. In this episode, I explain why and how. 01:10 Many couples are struggling right now. 2:25 My high school dating experiences had nothing to do with friendship. 3:21 Having access to our desires but …
 
Without skill or care, an apology can re-inflame the argument and cost us greatly in time, energy and emotions. In this episode, I teach you the four steps to making a heartfelt and efficient apology. 1:18 Think about the last time you apologized 1:38 Apologies without care, skill and intention can backfire 2:20 I define efficiency in intimate comm…
 
If we aren’t careful, we can treat kissing like a stop along the way to sex. But good kissing can be its own destination and invites us to arrive, over and again, through our lips. In this episode, I tell you how. 2:13 I always considered myself a good kisser – but I was wrong. 1:50 Kissing is not a technical sport 2:50 We were taught that sex was …
 
Most of us were taught to hang on in relationship no matter what. In this episode, I talk about how letting go and creating space can actually bring us closer to love especially in long term relationships. 1:14 Closeness without space creates imbalance. 1:26 Autonomy and unity – we need both. 1:56 It’s very common for couples to hang on. 2:40 My cl…
 
Many of us learned that crying is a sign of weakness. In this episode, I suggest that to the contrary, crying is a sign that you are paying attention to life as long as you are safe enough to let go of control. 00:58 When was the last time you cried? 01:11 Crying is an involuntary act and tells us about our capacity to surrender. 2:12 Children cry …
 
Everyone has the wild feminine in us – the part that feels most deeply. In a world that says “you’re too sensitive” as a way to keep us numb, it’s vital that we cultivate the relational skills to take exquisite care of the sensitive hearts that want to trust us. 00:51 Here’s what I mean by the feminine – the part that feels the most. 2:35 A story f…
 
Fighting the feeling of time always running out takes discipline and is necessary to truly live. In this episode, I teach you about the “vertical” axis of time and how to make moments count. 1:48 Busy is not a feeling 2:07 A lack of presence will be reflected back to us in our relationships 2:48 What makes the difference between time that zips by a…
 
In this episode I explore the intersection of personal healing work and anti-racism, beginning with "decentering". I attempt to describe how decentering ourselves as white people can be a deeply healing practice to us and to the collective wound of racism. 00:50 Disclaimers for this episode: the intersection between personal healing work and anti-r…
 
Given the intense stress of this past year, it’s likely a part of you is stuck in time and still shocked at it all. Emotional digestion practices are essential for getting unstuck and liberating our energy to receive life in the present. The “wow” practice is one such practice. 01:30 I practiced the wow with a client this week. 1:50 Trauma as a for…
 
When we are scared, it’s easy to judge others based on our fears. But when we reveal our more vulnerable parts to one another, we shift from relating to our projections of others to relating to the complex, messy and marvelous humans actually in front of us. 00:51 Let’s get personal – what do you think about me? 1:26 The stories we tell ourselves a…
 
After this past year, most of us are sitting atop a mountain of tension and unexpressed anger. In this week’s episode, I discuss why anger is essential to survival and what can make the difference between anger that hurts us and others and anger that transforms our worlds. 00:55 I’ve been angry lately. 1:36 How has your foundation been strained ove…
 
Fear has divided so many of our communities. Are you willing to try to connect through the differences? It's not an easy task. In this episode, I offer initial steps for connecting through conflict. 01:16 Where I live, there is fear in the air. 2:14 Conflict has become normalized. 2:54 Growing up I learned conflict was explosive and scary 3:11 A la…
 
When love comes knocking, can you grow beyond who you have been to let it in? That’s the question I ask in this episode as well as offer a partner practice that can transform your relationship to receiving. 00:32 I start by giving you some love – can you receive it?1:57 Think about when someone gives you a complement2:29 The Big Leap and the Upper …
 
Resisting the urge to numb ourselves from the overwhelm of life takes determination. In this episode, I teach you a simple tool that you can practice any time for reclaiming the preciousness of your moments and turning stale air into pixie dust. 00:43 My definition of magic 01:02 I tell the story of my Fulbright year and that moment of magic on the…
 
Politeness teaches us to ignore what is right in front of us. Curiosity gives us permission to get out loud again, name what’s present and revive our nerve endings. In episode 21, I invite you to reclaim curiosity with me. 1:20 She asked me about what was right under my nose.2:17 We learned to get less bold and started pretending.3:02 If our cultur…
 
Boundaries not only protect us, they make it possible for us to let others in. However, if your emotional sensitivity is a survival mechanism, it can feel impossible to stop taking responsibility for others. In episode 20, I describe the challenge of boundaries for highly empathic people and include essential action steps for restoring a feeling of…
 
When the tough stuff in relationships arise, most adults look the other way which can be deadly for the quality of our relating over time. But if you have options, you don’t have to default to avoidance. In episode 19, I offer a 5-step process for addressing conflict in healthy ways. 0:49 Here’s what I mean by conflict2:07 Two main consequences of …
 
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