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For his second Podiobook, Bill Schmalfeldt goes from the sublime to the ridiculous. His follow-up to the non-fiction "No Doorway Wide Enough" is this fanciful, hilarious narrative, voiced by disgraced, former alcoholic truck driver Billy Big Rig (who can never reveal his real name because everyone wants to kill him) who -- if he is to be believed -- infiltrated a terror cell, went to Afghanistan, and single-handedly saved America from another terror attack in the days after 9/11. Along the w ...
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In Episode #12, the final episode, Billy Big Rig has been captured by Coalition Forces, who mistake him for an American Taliban. After months and months in captivity, he is finally freed by a most unlikely source. WARNING! His experiences in Afghanistan and Guantanamo Bay have done nothing to soften Billy's attitudes or overall demeanor. If you are…
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In Episode #11, Billy Big Rig finally has to deal with the ardorous advances of Qaboos. America invades Afghanistan, so Billy and Rafa have to accompany the Taliban to Tora Bora. Rafa gets her ultimate revenge, Billy gets HIS ultimate revenge, then something bad happens! WARNING! Billy has something of a potty mouth with neanderthal attitudes about…
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In Episode #10, Billy Big Rig gains even MORE respect for his Israeli assigned operative. And he reveals the truth about what REALLY happened to Saddam Hussein -- and how the government has been lying to us for years! WARNING! Billy's language and political views would make Rush Limbaugh blush -- if Rush were, in fact, capable of shame. If you are …
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In Episode #9, Billy Big Rig starts his new job with the Taliban -- taking dirty laundry to a laundry in Kabul. His operative, one of the Taliban leader's wives, has been assigned to go with him since she speaks some English. In fact, Rafa is an Israeli agent who speaks better English than Billy does. It's Billy's job to find out what he can find o…
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In Episode #8, Billy Big Rig meets his covert, undercover operative in Afghanistan. He goes through the ritual procedures to become an actual Muslim. And he gets to meet the head of the Taliban. WARNING: Billy has been called "uncouth," and that is by people who LIKE him. If you have no sense of humor, no sense of satire, then you probably don't wa…
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In Episode #7, Billy Big Rig and the Islamic Extremists travel to Afghanistan, and Billy shares the details of his brief time in the Navy. This will be an important part of the story -- later. WARNING: Billy is a rough and salty individual. He uses language (except for the "F" Bomb) that some might find offensive and his views about politics are ha…
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In Episode #6, Billy Big Rig get out of jail, quite easily in fact. He gets a job selling pizza while awaiting orders to travel to Afghanistan, and decides to take a side trip down to DC to see if the NEW President STILL wanted him to carry out the orders of the OLD president. A Reminder! Billy Big Rig is NOT the most "Politically Correct" fella yo…
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After being coerced by the Warden and President Clinton into convincing Qaboos to include him in his escape plans, Billy has some time to think about past mistakes -- including his many, many marriages. He's been stabbed, beaten with billy clubs and handcuffed naked to a light pole in a truck stop in Effingham, Ill. But only one of his ex-wives car…
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In Episode #4, Billy Big Rig introduces us to his "Sand Freightliner" cellmate, Qaboos. His new friend tries to share the basic tenents of Islam with Billy, but Billy has a problem with any religion where a fella can't eat pork. But friendship is friendship, and when Billy catches wind of Qaboos' plan to escape with several of his fellow Islamic pr…
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In this episode, disgraced former alcoholic truck driver Billy Big Rig explains how he BECAME a disgraced former alcoholic truck driver. And it was all his own fault. He sees that now. And God must CERTAINLY look out for fools, idiots, alcoholics and truck drivers, because if he had flipped that tanker over comin' out FULL with the stuff they load …
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In the last episode, you met Billy Big Rig -- disgraced former alcoholic truck driver, bon vivant, and the most enlightened bigot you'll ever meet. He can never reveal his true identity because nefarious agents want him dead. In Episode #2, Billy gets his chance to drive a truck. But after nearly murdering his co-driver, Sammy, for letting a "lot l…
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Meet Billy Big Rig. Now, that ain't his real name. He can never reveal his true identity because the government wants him dead. Why? Because it was HIM who saved America in the days after 9/11, and THEY want you to think THEY did it. In this first hilarious episode, Billy explains his tragic upbringing with an alcoholic mom, a brutal father, and an…
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