Episode 189 - Jane Fonda Release Fund

Here's What I Don't Get

WELCOME BACK TO HERE'S WHAT I DON'T EXPLODE (WHICH IS NOTHING BY THE WAY) THE ONLY CURRENTLY EXPLODING PODCAST TO EXPLODE ALL OF LIFE'S TOUGHEST ISSUES. I'M YOUR HOST TIM THE HANDLEXPLODER AND TODAY WE'RE BRINGING YOU TWO AND A HALF HOURS OF NONSTOP EXPLOSION NOISES FOLLOWED BY:
* Picking up Strays
* Diplomatic Impunity
* Quibi
* Protesting After the Fact

Look, everyone knows a wonderful story about finding a scared, ragged, bony dog or cat, slowly gaining its trust, giving it food and water, taking it to the vet, and before you know it, little Spot or Garfield is suddenly family! But occasionally, seldomly, you find some runaway and treat it nice and in return they scream the scream to end all screams. In fact it's less of a scream and more of a short summoning of the maddening void wherein the demon Pagliocalus lives. Every time said demon prince stubs his toe on one of his many handcrafted torture machines, he lets out a noise that reverbates through these stray animal traps.
Dirty Harry, John McClane, RoboCop, The Punisher, Walker Texas Ranger, etc, etc. These are the heroes that cops look up to, and that we praise on televison or the big screen. The rough-n-tough lone wolf that's got the Captain and IA breathing down his neck, trying to stop him from taking down Jimmy "Two-Shoes" McClarty once and for all. He can breeze through red lights without his siren or lights. He can hijack a citizen's vehicle in order to chase down a broken taillight. He can blow up all of Fisherman's Wharf in order to stop an 86 year old lady from jaywalking. He can shoot you and he'll get a pat on the back. Why? Because of a thin blue line that separates him from you.

These damn millennials and their screens! They spend all their time looking at these 5 inch screens in their hands and not enough on the big ones we want them to! Why would they want to watch their media at their own leisure, at any time, anywhere, without having to interact with anyone? It's just not American! Well, what if we got a bunch of new hot celebrities to make workout tapes? I'll call it Quibi after the noise I make when I climax to the sight of Jane Fonda's BUNS OF STEEL!
No second chances. If you don't vote against the Smoke'em Peace Pipe Weed Forever law of 2020 then get upset in 2022 when 75% of stores are dispensaries, you dun goofed. You can't protest it now, you lost your chance. A lack of foresight is what it is. Most people think, "well, even though I don't like that thing it'll never affect me". UNTIL IT DOES. Don't let hindsight be 20/20. Go beyond perfect vision and gain future vision. Then you can tell everyone "I told you so" which is the best thing ever.
All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT!