Spiritual Bookshelf Ep16 : How to Improve Relationships ?

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Hey everyone, welcome back! I’m Philip. How’s it going? Did you have a good week? Today, we’re diving into something super relatable: How do we improve our relationships? Have you ever counted how many good friends you’ve got? If you’re like me and want some tips on getting along better with people, this episode’s got some cool ideas for you. Let’s jump in!

16. How to Improve Relationships

So, let’s start with a quick question: How many friends do you have? British anthropologist Robin Dunbar says our brains can only handle about 150 stable social connections. It’s called “Dunbar’s Number.” But here’s the breakdown:

• Inner Circle: 3–5 super close buddies—those you can spill everything to.

• Close Friends: 10–15 people you check in with regularly and lean on for support.

• Casual Friends: 35–50 folks you hang out with now and then.

• Acquaintances: 100–150 people you know but aren’t tight with. So, out of 150, only a tiny handful are your ride-or-die crew. Crazy, right?

Then there’s this amazing study from Harvard—the “Harvard Study of Adult Development.” It’s been running since 1938, over 85 years, making it one of the longest studies on happiness and health ever. They followed 724 people—some Harvard students, some kids from tough Boston neighborhoods—and later their kids, over 1300 people across generations. The big question was: What makes a happy, successful life? The answer? Good relationships—not money, fame, or achievements. Here’s what they found:

1.Close relationships make you happier, healthier, and help you live longer.

2.It’s not about how many friends you have, but how deep those connections are.

3.Relationships beat wealth and status every time.

4.Drama-filled relationships mess with your health.

So, what’s the takeaway?

✔ Spend time and energy on the people who matter—family, friends, your partner. ✔ Care more about relationships than cash or clout.

✔ Steer clear of toxic vibes or long-term loneliness.

✔ Keep making new friends, even as you get older.

The guy running the study now, Robert Waldinger, puts it like this: “Good relationships are the biggest predictor of happiness in life.” And it’s true—great relationships make work smoother, life happier, and even boost your career. On the flip side, bad relationships leave you stuck when things get tough, and over time, that can hit your mental health and job performance hard. So, learning to communicate well, building empathy, and creating positive connections? That’s key to success and happiness.

Speaking of relationships and communication, you’ve probably heard of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. Since 1936, it’s sold 150 million copies worldwide—only the Bible beats it, with 5–7 billion over 1500 years. It’s the classic on social skills. Carnegie talks about human “weaknesses,” but not in a bad way—just natural tendencies we all have:

1.Wanting recognition: We love being valued and praised.

2.Self-focus: We care more about ourselves than others.

3.Avoiding conflict: Criticism or fights make us defensive or shut down.

4.Seeking safety: Change or admitting mistakes freaks us out.

Carnegie says don’t fight these—understand them and use them. By giving recognition or skipping arguments, you build trust and influence people.

So, we boiled it down to four simple principles to improve relationships: “Praise, listen, respect, encourage”

1.Praise, don’t criticize

2.Care and listen

3.Respect, don’t argue

4.Encourage, don’t order Let’s break these down.

If you liked this, hit subscribe and share it with someone who might need it too. Take care, stay joyful, and catch you next time!