Parent Perspectives: Floortime Intensives at the DIR® Institute

Affect Autism: We chose play, joy every day

Photo credit: ICDL, Inc.

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Parent Perspectives: Floortime Intensives at the DIR® Institute

by Affect Autism

https://affectautism.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/2024-12-06.mp3

This Week’s Episode

This episode we are covering intensives at ICDL’s DIR Institute in Livingston NJ where families come for a week to just do Floortime and get Floortime parent coaching. My guests are two mothers of two children each. Daniela Bishop is in the Toronto area like me and Samantha Moran is from Colorado. Daniela is a registered nurse who has an 9-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old autistic son. Samantha is a stay-at-home mother of a 6-year-old neurodivergent daughter and a 3-year-old daughter.

What brought you to Floortime?

Daniela first heard about DIRFloortime in 2010 in a second-year psychology course from Dr. Stuart Shanker when he was still teaching at York University in Toronto. He presented the research that is on ICDL’s website. It was interesting, but she didn’t have children yet. Then in 2021 after her son received an autism diagnosis she asked a question on a Facebook group where a mother mentioned that she was following Floortime, saying that there are very accessible courses online for parents. She found and took DIR 101: An Introduction to DIR and DIRFloortime.

Samantha’s daughter had been doing Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, and Speech Therapy. She found that her daughter was internalizing the message that something was wrong with her at 3 or 4 years old and she just couldn’t keep going to these appointments that were so deficit based. She was looking for resources and their Occupational Therapist mentioned Floortime parent resources. She did a virtual consultation online with Becky Gottlieb, the Floortime Intensives Program Coordinator at ICDL’s DIR Institute in Livingston NJ.

Although Samantha was trying to step back from all of the therapy appointments, her conversation with Becky was so strength-based that she was brought to tears multiple times and felt that somebody finally understood the beautiful child her daughter was. Becky mentioned the intensive, which sounded so out of reach, so she just started with parent coaching. With that process, she felt more and more drawn to going to an intensive with her family.

What made you decide to do the intensive?

Daniela had been receiving a temporary program of services in Ontario and was very cognizant of what services they were receiving that could try and change who her son was, which she did not want. Her son is always the light in the room with a big smile on his face, filled with warmth. By December 2022, she felt that things were not feeling right. She was tired, and her daughter was suffering, so she went to ICDL’s DIR conference in New York City in March of 2023 looking for something. She needed a big reset.

The intensive felt very unachievable, just based on sheer cost. Daniela says her husband is a number person and needs to see a perceived value. It felt like a big commitment, but looking back, she wishes she did the intensives a year earlier. At the conference, she looked into doing parent consultations and tried to work out the logistics of going there. They decided they would go in August of 2024. Daniela already had so much trust invested in it and it felt safe. She felt the respect for her children and for parents from the training leaders. They never told Daniela what to do. It was a slow process, as she finds it hard to trust others, but it really felt safe.

What were your thoughts going in to the intensive?

Samantha says that when she scheduled the intensive, it was overwhelming, but she so wanted more harmony in her household. She felt like there was so much dysregulation with her two daughters setting each other off, which then sent her into dysregulation as well. Daniela adds that it feels like a constant state of chaos, having no predictability, which feeds a loop of more dysregulation. It’s like you’re going nowhere. Samantha felt there were so many good things about their life, yet felt nervous system dysregulation all of the time. She just wanted the state of her house to change.

Although Samantha knew it wouldn’t be instant change, she was ready and willing to make a big bet on the intensive because she felt confident that if she made that investment, something would shift. She told her friends that she was going to the Mom Olympics, playing for 2.5 hours, eating lunch, then playing for 2.5 more hours. She was gearing up for it. Her husband couldn’t make it to the intensive, but her mother came for some of the time.

Samantha was prepared to learn as much as she could. She felt like Rocky, wholeheartedly diving in. She had her write goals ahead of time. She just remembers wanting something to shift. She had done a lot of exploring on the ICDL website and did parent coaching in advance with a Floortime coach where she submitted videos of her and her child, then reviewed them alone with the coach. She had some idea of what Floortime was, but she hadn’t experienced it in the way she would at the intensive. It was still just information floating around in her head.

I shared that what I was thinking going into the intensive was that I was looking for input on how to challenge my son to push that development forward in a playful, respectful way. Daniela had parent coaching first as well to see if it was a good fit. She had also done all the book learning and because she was the one spending time with her son, she felt her husband was left behind. Thus, her goal for the intensive was to support her husband’s relationship with their son and also to support their daughter.

Daniela’s daughter gets overwhelmed with her love for her little brother and had expressed deep sadness about why her brother had challenges. Daniela wanted her to feel valued, included, and capable of engaging with her brother. There is no one who can stretch her son’s capacities like her daughter can. Daniela registered her husband in DIR 101: An Introduction to DIR and DIRFloortime in May in order to have an understanding of the developmental capacities and the things they would be working on in August. She wanted to fade out and let her husband and daughter walk into the picture.

How did Samantha’s intensive go?

Samantha says she was correct to call the intensive the Mom Olympics, and it definitely exceeded her expectations. She had anticipated being overwhelmed and leaving with more things jumbled in her head, but she didn’t anticipate the shift in development in her daughter that happened. It was huge. Also, for Samantha, it was about experiential learning. She felt what it feels like to connect with her daughter when she had the twinkle in her eye, and feel that closeness.

Floortime became a part of me.

Floortime parent, Samantha Moran

Samantha has done two full intensives and a partial one now. For the first one, her mother and both daughters were there. It was challenging and they were trying to find a balance. They would go back to the hotel after the challenging days, and the moments outside of Floortime were still feeling very overwhelming. Then her daughter and mother both got sick. She had a bit of panic when it was time to go as her brain was still catching up from all she had learned.

She went back for a second intensive six months later with just her neurodivergent daughter and her. She wanted to be able to really focus on maintaining the connection even outside the hours of the intensive. It was very powerful, even though she wasn’t dealing with the sticky moments between her two daughters. She felt like this was when she got to see the very best version of her daughter. It’s the intensive she walked away from with the feeling that her daughter would be ok, which she hadn’t really felt in her bones before that.

Samantha saw what was possible at the second intensive. They had no meltdowns the entire week. They were tired, but there was no dysregulated moments at all due to their connection. It was pretty earthshattering compared to what she was coming in with. She realized it wasn’t real life and wished a coach could come into her home with her, but the intensive allowed her to see the optimized version of her daughter and now she carries that with her and knows what is possible. It changed her relationship with her daughter for the better.

Samantha had the input from four different experts and training leaders along with input from Clinical Psychologist Dr. Gil Tippy and Dr. Jeff Guenzel, ICDL’s CEO and licensed professional counselor.

How did Daria‘s intensive go?

My intensive was different than I expected. I expected I’d be impatient and drained being there all day, like I feel at home because I have so much on my mind, but I never felt that. It was so enjoyable. Having that purpose of being there just for the intensive and seeing how much fun my son was having was so enjoyable. The training leaders were so good at coaching me on how to stretch out all of my son’s ideas and support him to think and develop his ideas with that support.

I think that’s what Samantha was alluding to earlier: that with our support our children can really show their true potential, and we see their true capacities. When they don’t have that support, we see how hard it is for them to do all the time. The highlight of my week was my meeting with Dr. Gil Tippy, my original Floortime coach who gave me hope so many years ago when my son was only four years old. He was blown away when he saw my son and the first thing he said to me was, “Wow! You must be so happy! Look how far he’s come.” He said to me, “He’s there! He’s there!“

How did Daniela’s intensive go?

Daniela said that she will cherish the experience at her intensive until the end of her days. Her intensive was a family experience to shift the dysregulation in their home. In the middle of the chaos of dyregulation, you feel like you’re in the eye of the hurricane, she says. No amount of mindfulness or gratitude can regulate her. The intensive was something special and magical, she says. Occupational Therapist Gretchen Kamke was one of her training leader Floortime coaches there and she felt she won the Floortime lottery to have her join them. Daniela sought her knowledge of sensory integration, given her son’s struggles with praxis and ideation.

Daniela didn’t know Educator Becky Gottlieb in advance, and so it was like the cherry on top. It was so valuable to have the experts who have that Floortime experience in the room, Daniela shared. One of her son’s challenges is too much screen time. Her son uses a screen to learn, slowing down videos, and analyzing the pictures. The script and predictability helps him, but he’s missing out on immersing his body into the world where he’s challenging his body rather than just his eyes and brain. It’s challenging to provide those experiences for him. Screens were not a part of the intensive.

It was fun and engaging to see the embodied experience of her son and to see her daughter be able to stay more regulated, stepping back and giving her brother space, which she has a hard time doing. Daniela’s husband started out mostly watching and taking everything in as his comfort level increased. She now sees him try more at home and trouble shooting more.

Takeaways from the intensive

Daniela shared that another aspect of the intensive that was really key was staying with her son during his dysregulation. One of the mornings Daniela’s husband took her daughter out as a treat, as they are very aware that what she wants is often put on the backburner to her brother’s needs. Her son was very sad at his sister’s absence and it was so powerful to have these amazing Floortime coaches in the room to support her through all of the unpleasant feelings where the affect wasn’t fuzzy and happy.

They were able to validate her son’s feelings and soothe him during his very difficult emotions. This was an important aspect that wasn’t planned, nor a goal, but ended up being one of the biggest takeaways, Daniela says: how to support her son in a respectful, compassionate, and empathetic way so he can expand his range of emotions by co-regulating. One of the biggest challenges Daniela faces is how dyregulated she feels through her child’s dysregulation. This experience at the intensive blew past her expectations, she says.

Samantha adds that a big takeaway for her was seeing what it was like to get to the other side of that dysregulation. She would have her daughters fighting over a toy and she’d typically want to get out of the moment, take the toy away, and just make it all stop. Becky supported her to stretch the ability to tolerate the discomfort and work through each child’s idea until they got to a solution. Samantha says they go back to that again and again at home ever since. This was huge for her to get to the other side of that hard moment without getting too dysregulated herself or wanting to escape.

Daniela adds it’s about staying regulated in the relationship even though it’s not pleasant. It’s a very powerful thing to feel in your body, unlike mindfulness which you read or watch on a screen but don’t really feel, she says.

If you remain in relationship, you can solve any problem. You feel very powerful. It’s a very powerful feeling that as long as you are in relationship, nothing is really impossible.

Floortime parent, Daniela Bishop

Samantha also took away how much better she understands her child after the intensive. Floortiming with her daughters helps her be more observant of their sensory needs and individual differences. During the intensive one day, they were in the kitchen to eat lunch, but her daughter kept running away. It was so easy for her thoughts to get frustrated, just wanting her to listen, sit, and eat. One of the training leaders noticed how loud the air conditioner was and wondered if it was bothering her.

They turned it off and her daughter was able to sit in the lunch room for 30 minutes. Being attuned to her daughter’s situation and adapt it to her allowed them to get the harmony Samantha was looking for. She knew her daughter was sensitive to sound, but Samantha’s brain doesn’t work like her daughter’s does, so this experience makes her now really be able to look at situations more through her daughter’s eyes.

Going forward

Daniela would like to see male training leaders to support fathers that come to the intensives, too. It’s about supporting the parents to support their children. I shared that this is the value of having Dr. Tippy and Guenzel provide that male perspective, albeit more brief visits.

I shared that I now have tools on how to stretch out the interactions with my son for where he is developmentally, which was helpful during the ride back to Canada during cyclone Debbie when he was asking to return to the Institute non stop because he didn’t want to leave. Also Dr. Tippy really gave me that confidence that things will be ok, and that we’re on the right track, making lots of progress. He really put me on the spot, reminding me that my son is a teenager now and I’m still in Mom-mode using my ‘Floortime voice’ whenever I’m around him.

Dr. Tippy encouraged me to be my authentic self and let my son see when I’m upset, which is ok. I can disagree with him, which is ok. I can point out things that he does at his father’s that he won’t do at our place. We can always repair any strife between us, he assured me, getting him ready for the real world through the safety of our relationship within a respectful, loving approach.

Samantha said that she would absolutely recommend the intensive to other parents, and she wants to also put a call out to practitioners that we need Floortime everywhere. The traditional model is to have one-hour sessions once per week, but there is magic to the longer sessions and that would be valuable so parents don’t need to travel to New Jersey get this service.

Dr. Tippy provided Daniela hope to aim higher, Daniela shares. She agreed that the biggest issue with Floortime is accessibility and that we need to build capacity in providers, which she understands is a challenge. Building capacity in the workforce and in graduate school programs so providers understand the model is so important, she concluded.

CURRENT DIR INSTITUTE PROMOTION

There’s a promotion right now 20% off for any intensives booked Dec, Jan, Feb. Summers are incredibly busy and book up very quickly. Feel free to contact them to schedule a week to work with your family!

See the ICDL Newsflash about Intensives by CLICKING HERE

This week’s PRACTICE TIP:

This week let’s think about our dysregulated moments at home.

For example: When you are dysregulated due to your children also being dysregulated, how do you handle it? Are you able to stay in the moment and regulate yourself to sustain that co-regulation with your child? Let’s take the tips shared in this podcast and try to apply it to see if we can notice a shift in the chaotic dynamic at home.

Thank you to Daniela and Samantha for sharing their experiences of the power of Floortime intensives and Floortime coaching! We all hope that you enjoyed learning about the experience and found something valuable to share on social media!

Until next time, here’s to choosing play and experiencing joy everyday!