#37 Intimacy, Self-Orientation & Fear | A Deep Dive Into Trust

Rise Leaders Radio

"If we insist on being buttoned up, polished professionals, that gets us a certain distance in our business lives. But showing up as a human being and being willing to relate to our clients and our colleagues as human beings, not just as professionals, gets us 10 times further.” - Andrea Howe

Strong connections build trust

Andrea Howe kicks conventional business to the curb and transforms how people work together. Augmenting our talk with Charlie Green in episode 36, Andrea helps us take a deep dive into the foundations of trust for us to accomplish this.

Building trust can feel risky. It requires shedding protective mechanisms to reveal vulnerability and, as a result, make human connections. In the workplace this often spurs fear. After all, it can be a tough balancing act to appear competent and set professional boundaries while also taking opportunities to let our guard down and reveal ourselves. Fear also inhibits true connection because it magnifies self-orientation. We can’t truly be there for others if we allow our own fear to take hold and guide our interactions.

As you’ll discover, these 3 elements are interwoven, but when they’re examined, you can see how an awareness of them helps a novel way of working and thriving unfold.

Face fear

[14:37] “Human beings, professionals, struggle with fear…[sometimes] it’s a subtle, insidious force that has us suddenly doing or saying things that maybe aren't the optimal from a trust-building standpoint. But it's pervasive, and I think it's critical for us to attend to…we’ve got to shine some light on it, normalize it, practice ways to manage it and mitigate it, and therefore be able to show up not only more powerfully in a more grounded and centered way, but also more courageously.”

[28:01] “So think about it, when we're in a fear-based place, even if it's subtle, the ability to really tune in to another human being is compromised.”

Intimacy builds a safe haven

[31:16] “In looking at the data we've collected over more than a decade now, those with the highest intimacy scores tend to also have the highest trustworthiness scores…

“If there isn't safety in a relationship…if you're my client, what's the likelihood that you're going to disclose to me or even be willing to explore with me the real issues? What really needs to be attended to? What you're really concerned about are what your fears are.”

Generosity: The antidote to fear

[39:51] “Be willing to give stuff away. Give away ideas. Give things away. And that doesn't mean not valuing your services [or] charging appropriately for your services. But one of the best ways for people to have an experience of who you are is to get a little taste of it. So why not be willing to invest, give them a little demo…a way of getting to know you, who you are, and what you're capable of.”

Resources:

Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrea-howe-she-her-22a105/

Trusted Advisor Associates: https://trustedadvisor.com/

The Get Real Project: https://thegetrealproject.com/

(Upcoming Webinar): https://trustedadvisor.com/webinars

The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook: https://trustedadvisor.com/books/the-trusted-advisor-fieldbook

Episode 36: A Way of Being for Sustainable Sales Success: Focus on Trust, Courage, Intimacy: https://rise-leaders.com/podcast/?ppplayer=2166354b3000fc311ad1272907939efb&ppepisode=abad7dfecb82a6462b25f83e0101fc4d

Trust Equation Guide: https://rise-leaders.com/trust-equation-guide-2/

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