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Rudyard Kipling - Army Headquarters
Manage episode 375325159 series 3505774
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ARMY HEADQUARTERS Old is the song that I sing—
Old as my unpaid bills—
Old as the chicken that kitmutgars bring
Men at dak-bungalows—old as the Hills. Ahasuerus Jenkins of the “Operatic Own”
Was dowered with a tenor voice of super-Santley tone. His views on equitation were, perhaps, a trifle queer;
He had no seat worth mentioning, but oh! he had an ear. He clubbed his wretched company a dozen times a day,
He used to quit his charger in a parabolic way,
His method of saluting was the joy of all beholders,
But Ahasuerus Jenkins had a head upon his shoulders. He took two months to Simla when the year was at the spring,
And underneath the deodars eternally did sing. He warbled like a bulbul, but particularly at
Cornelia Agrippina who was musical and fat. She controlled a humble husband, who, in turn, controlled a Dept.,
Where Cornelia Agrippina's human singing-birds were kept
From April to October on a plump retaining fee,
Supplied, of course, per mensem, by the Indian Treasury. Cornelia used to sing with him, and Jenkins used to play;
He praised unblushingly her notes, for he was false as they:
So when the winds of April turned the budding roses brown,
Cornelia told her husband: “Tom, you mustn't send him down.” They haled him from his regiment which didn't much regret him;
They found for him an office-stool, and on that stool they set him,
To play with maps and catalogues three idle hours a day,
And draw his plump retaining fee—which means his double pay. Now, ever after dinner, when the coffeecups are brought,
Ahasuerus waileth o'er the grand pianoforte;
And, thanks to fair Cornelia, his fame hath waxen great,
And Ahasuerus Jenkins is a power in the State.
…
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Old as my unpaid bills—
Old as the chicken that kitmutgars bring
Men at dak-bungalows—old as the Hills. Ahasuerus Jenkins of the “Operatic Own”
Was dowered with a tenor voice of super-Santley tone. His views on equitation were, perhaps, a trifle queer;
He had no seat worth mentioning, but oh! he had an ear. He clubbed his wretched company a dozen times a day,
He used to quit his charger in a parabolic way,
His method of saluting was the joy of all beholders,
But Ahasuerus Jenkins had a head upon his shoulders. He took two months to Simla when the year was at the spring,
And underneath the deodars eternally did sing. He warbled like a bulbul, but particularly at
Cornelia Agrippina who was musical and fat. She controlled a humble husband, who, in turn, controlled a Dept.,
Where Cornelia Agrippina's human singing-birds were kept
From April to October on a plump retaining fee,
Supplied, of course, per mensem, by the Indian Treasury. Cornelia used to sing with him, and Jenkins used to play;
He praised unblushingly her notes, for he was false as they:
So when the winds of April turned the budding roses brown,
Cornelia told her husband: “Tom, you mustn't send him down.” They haled him from his regiment which didn't much regret him;
They found for him an office-stool, and on that stool they set him,
To play with maps and catalogues three idle hours a day,
And draw his plump retaining fee—which means his double pay. Now, ever after dinner, when the coffeecups are brought,
Ahasuerus waileth o'er the grand pianoforte;
And, thanks to fair Cornelia, his fame hath waxen great,
And Ahasuerus Jenkins is a power in the State.
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