236. Your Child Is About The Size Of A Game Boy Advance

Topic Lords

Lords:

• Mark
• Shirley

Topics:

• Egypt sweater!
  • https://www.etsy.com/listing/233409089/amazing-1940s-egyptian-fair-isle-jumper
• At the end of this film, are we supposed to want Indy to save Elsa? To go off happily together? (I say no.)
• Kazim is the best character in Last Crusade
  • https://www.youtube.com/shorts/IP54S-ZZtyE
• Portrait of my Brother as Indiana Jones
  • https://www.tupeloquarterly.com/poetry/portrait-of-my-brother-as-indiana-jones-by-amorak-huey/
• Sallah: The hardest brownface to swallow
• Are pits of snakes effective as circus attractions?
• The visual of them closing themselves in a giant box while on the motorcycle

Microtopics:

• A nerd of the second-highest caliber.
• Working in tech on the internet.
• Quality guests on a quality show.
• Savage Oaf vs. Savage Oath.
• Getting on Metal Archives and figuring out those bands are.
• Swearing an Oaf.
• Reading "Lord of the Rings" because you are pregnant.
• Recommending pregnancy to someone who wants a child.
• Wonder Weeks.
• Your child is about the size of a mid-sized sedan.
• A delightful looking creature about the size of a Micro Machine.
• A sister who is a chimp and other wild shit from the 1970s.
• A screwball comedy about lions living with Tippi Hedren and mauling the director of Speed.
• A movie about an archaeologist who is beloved by all his students and one of them is wearing this sweater.
• 1940s Egyptian Fair Isle Jumper.
• Getting unprofessionally close to the professor you have a crush on so he can notice your cool Egypt sweater.
• Why Dial of Destiny didn't do that well.
• An entirely tolerable movie according to Mark circa whenever that movie came out.
• Deploying the tense night-time action music.
• Going to Fiverr and paying someone the fair value of their labor.
• Elsa's a Nazi and then we're mad at Elsa.
• Emotionally elevated moments between Indy and Elsa.
• Proposing to your girlfriend on the Golden Gate Bridge in a last-ditch attempt to save your relationship.
• The payoff of Henry Jones Sr.'s character arc.
• Elsa choosing the wrong grail on purpose.
• The 50 grails on the other side of the room that Elsa didn't even look at.
• Coffee cup movie magic.
• The expeditious nature of film storytelling.
• The Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword.
• Kazim falling off the dock.
• Kazim showing up to beat the shit out of a kid who is spending too much time reading about the grail on Wikipedia.
• The two-part episode of MacGyver where MacGyver looks for the Holy Grail.
• Stealing artifacts because they belong in museums, not with the people who originated them.
• Going on a series of heists to steal artifacts back from museums and returning them to their people.
• Sometimes chased, sometimes chasing.
• Amorak from Kalamazoo.
• Love on her eyelids.
• A certified Wocust.
• Compensation for my brother-in-law's car.
• The depiction of Sallah in Raiders vs. in Last Crusade.
• Fisher Stevens in Short Circuit.
• A movie you can give up.
• John Rhys-Davies playing a dwarf even though he's not even from Middle Earth.
• Middle Earth being flat for elves but round for humans.
• A huge vat filled with undifferentiated snakes that is a circus attraction somehow.
• The guy who lays down in the bed of snakes.
• A 1920s-era circus putting on a performance of the play that Snakes on a Plane was based on.
• Giving a garter snake to every kid who comes to the circus and if their parents don't like it they can just set the snake loose in the back yard because it's the midwest.
• Not thinking to ask a question until 30 years after you've seen the movie.
• Liking art that is flawed.
• Dying from a recreational drug situation.
• Safely ensconced in the box.
• Being chased by Nazis and taking a moment to pry open a wooden crate just in case there is a motorcycle in it.
• Batman scrolling reddit while hiding behind the curtain for the guy he's going to surprise coming back into the office.
• Of course that's what they do, and of course it worked, because you just saw it happen and it worked.
• The pitfalls of googling your own medical symptoms.

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