“On your terms or God’s terms”: Digging deeper into God’s design for the human mind

OCF Crosspoint Podcast

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Show Notes:

CAPT Brent & Nicole Breining, USN (Ret.), return to the podcast today to continue our series on pornography and sexuality. If you haven’t listened to the first episode in this series, I encourage you to check out that episode first, get to know Brent and Nicole’s story, then return to hear today’s episode as we dive into the nature of addiction.

We discuss statistics and real-world case studies regarding the pornography industry that reveal the magnitude of its harmful effects on society and on individuals alike. Brent and Nicole then unpack terms and concepts such as the cyclone of addiction, the shame cycle, and neurochemistry of the brain that all point to God’s intricate design for His creation.

Check out the various resources mentioned throughout this episode:

· Restoring the Soul podcast: Part 1 with Tony Anderson, and Part 2 with Tony Anderson

· Fight the New Drug

· The Social Dilemma

· Pure Desire Ministries, through which Brent and Nicole help men and women heal from unwanted sexual behaviors and their repercussions

As you listen to this conversation with Brent and Nicole, here are a few questions to ponder in your personal time, with a small group, or with a mentor:

1. We refer to the statistic that 49% of rescued sex trafficking victims were forced to participate in the production of pornographic material. How ought that knowledge affect decisions to consume that pornographic material?
2. How does the pornography industry harm our perceptions of others as individuals made in the image of God?
3. Why might “rigid, disengaged homes,” per Brent’s description, often become an environment in which many individuals become sex addicts?
4. What habits can you establish to “live in this world of technology… but do it in a healthy manner,” as Brent says?
5. What sin struggles have prompted you to feel shame and hide from God and from fellow believers?

Loads of Additional Resources on this topic

Problematic Sexual Behavior (Men):

Books:

Laaser, M. (2004). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction (3rd ed.). Zondervan.

Roberts, T. (2008). Pure Desire: How one man’s triumph can help others break free from sexual temptation. Regal.

Roberts, T. (2021). Seven Pillars of Freedom (5th ed.). Pure Desire Ministries International.

Stringer, J. (2018). Unwanted: How sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing. NavPress.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 19). What If My Betrayed Spouse Doesn’t Want

Healing? (No. 185) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-betrayed-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, March 8). How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your

Sexual Betrayal (No. 244) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/how-to-help-your-spouse-heal-from-your-sexual-betrayal/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 22). The Impact of Sexual Addiction w/ Dr.

Adrian Hickmon (No. 281) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-impact-of-sexual-addiction-w-adrian-hickmon/

Video Series:

Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2020). Sexual Integrity 101 [Video series]. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Ward, G., Wiles, J., & Wiles, T. [Executive Producers]. (2013). Conqueror Series: The battle plan for purity [Video series]. KingdomWorks Studios.

Problematic Sexual Behavior (Women):

Books:

Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2019). Unraveled: Managing love, sex, and relationships. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Stringer, J. (2018). Unwanted: How sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing. NavPress.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, October 20). The Female Addict and Unraveled (No.

172) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-female-addict-unraveled/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 19). What If My Betrayed Spouse Doesn’t Want

Healing? (No. 185) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-betrayed-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, March 8). How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your

Sexual Betrayal (No. 244) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/how-to-help-your-spouse-heal-from-your-sexual-betrayal/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 22). The Impact of Sexual Addiction w/ Dr.

Adrian Hickmon (No. 281) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-impact-of-sexual-addiction-w-adrian-hickmon/

Video Series:

Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2020). Sexual Integrity 101 [Video series]. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Betrayal Trauma:

Books:

Kolb, H., Jameson, A., & Roberts, D. (2022). Betrayal & Beyond: Healing the trauma of sexual

betrayal (3rd ed.). Pure Desire Ministries International.

Pure Desire Ministries. 7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma (ebook). https://puredesire.org/free-ebook-7-keys-to-understanding-betrayal-trauma/

Steffens, B. & Means, M. (2021). Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and

Heal (2nd ed.). Armin Lear Press Inc.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, November 3). Boundaries in Recovery (No. 174) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/boundaries-in-recovery/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, May 11). What If My Struggling Spouse Doesn’t Want

Healing? (No. 201) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-struggling-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, July 13). Hope for Betrayed Men (No. 210) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/hope-for-betrayed-men/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, July 27). 7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma (No.

212) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/7-keys-to-understanding-betrayal-trauma/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, February 1). Women’s Takeover #1: Healing From

Betrayal w/ Dr. Barbara Steffens (No. 239) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire

Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/womens-takeover-1-healing-from-betrayal-w-dr-barbara-steffens/

Healthy Sexuality:

Books:

Gregoire, S. (2022). The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex (2nd ed.). Zondervan Books.

Gregoire, S. & Gregoire, K. (2022). The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex. Zondervan Books.

Roberts, T. & Roberts, D. (2010). Sexy Christians: The Purpose, Power and Passion of Biblical Intimacy. Baker Books.

Slattery, J. (2018). Rethinking Sexuality: God’s Design and Why It Matters. Multnomah.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, July 9). Soul Ties (No. 105) [Audio podcast episode]. In

Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/soul-ties/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, July 30). Sexual Discipleship w/ Juli Slattery (No. 108)

[Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/sexual-discipleship-w-juli-slattery/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, April 26). The Good Guide to Great Sex w/ Dr. Keith and

Sheila Wray Gregoire (No. 251) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-good-guide-to-great-sex-w-dr-keith-sheil-wray-gregoire/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 1). The Four Pillars of Sexual Love w/ Dr. Juli

Slattery (No. 278) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-four-pillars-of-sexual-love-w-dr-juli-slattery/

Young Adults/College Age:

Books (Young Men):

Bennett, B., Butcher, B., & Roberts, T. (2016). Living Free. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Books (Young Women):

Bradley R. & Roberts, D. (2012). Behind the Mask: Authentic living for young women. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2018, January 30). Living Free w/Ben Bennett (No. 30) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcast/living-free/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, September 17). Love, Sex, and Dating (No. 115) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/love-sex-and-dating/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, March 31). Getting Healthy Before Marriage w/ Drew

Boa (No. 143) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/getting-healthy-before-marriage-w-drew-boa/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 12). Groups for Young Women (No. 184) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcast/groups-for-young-women/

Parents:

Books:

Roberts, B. & Kolb, H. (2018). Digital Natives: Raising an Online Generation. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Wright, R. & Wright, T. (2020). How to Talk with Your Kids About Sex. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, August 13). What Parents Need to Know about Porn

(No. 110) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-parents-need-to-know-about-porn/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, August 3). The Effects of Pornography w/ Josh

McDowell (No. 213) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-effects-of-pornography-w-josh-mcdowell/

Pastors/Chaplains/Churches:

Books:

Laaser, M. (2004). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction (3rd ed.). Zondervan.

Roberts, T. (2008). Pure Desire: How one man’s triumph can help others break free from sexual temptation. Regal.

Stumbo, N. (2017). Safe: Creating a Culture of Grace in a Climate of Shame. Pure Desire

Ministries International.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, August 3). The Effects of Pornography w/ Josh

McDowell (No. 213) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-effects-of-pornography-w-josh-mcdowell/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, October 27). No Shame Churches (No. 173) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/no-shame-churches/

Singles:

Books:

Gregoire, S. (2022). The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex (2nd ed.). Zondervan Books.

Gregoire, S. & Gregoire, K. (2022). The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex. Zondervan Books.

Slattery, J. (2018). Rethinking Sexuality: God’s Design and Why It Matters. Multnomah.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, September 17). Love, Sex, and Dating (No. 115) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/love-sex-and-dating/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, March 31). Getting Healthy Before Marriage w/ Drew

Boa (No. 143) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/getting-healthy-before-marriage-w-drew-boa/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, July 26). Unmet Longings & Unhealthy Behaviors w/

Ben Bennett (No. 264) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/unmet-longings-unhealthy-behaviors-w-ben-bennett/

Miscellaneous:

Books on Trauma:

Falk, K. & Goldberg, J. (2018). Struggle Well: Thriving in the Aftermath of Trauma. Lioncrest.

Van Der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.

Websites:

Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists: https://www.apsats.org/

Authentic Intimacy: https://www.authenticintimacy.com/

Pure Desire Ministries International: https://puredesire.org.