Rewriting the Rules of Grief with Ghulam Fernandes

Goals DO Come True with Doug Bennett

Doug talks to grief specialist Ghulam Fernandes to explore the complex world of grief and loss. Through her own powerful journey of multiple personal losses, Ghulam talks about handling grief, building emotional resilience, and transforming pain into purpose. This episode isn't just about dealing with death – it's about understanding how various types of loss impact our lives and learning practical tools to navigate life's challenges while maintaining our goals and vision.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Unresolved grief has three main causes: undelivered communication of significance, regrets about things being different/better, and unrealised hopes, dreams, and expectations
• Grief isn't restricted to bereavement, it can arise from any significant change in familiar patterns of behaviour, including career changes, relationships, and life transitions
• Common myths about grief like "be strong," "keep busy," and "time heals all wounds" can actually hinder the healing process and keep people stuck in their grief
• Grief is both cumulative and negative, it doesn't simply go away with time but needs to be actively processed and addressed
• Self-soothing behaviours like comfort eating, drinking, or gambling often mask unresolved grief and shouldn't be relied upon as coping mechanisms
• Building emotional resilience and establishing good self-care strategies are crucial for handling grief effectively
• While we can't change what has happened, we can choose how we respond to it and work to create something positive from our experiences
• Goal setting plays a vital role in grief recovery by helping create a clear vision and path forward while maintaining healthy boundaries

BEST MOMENTS

"It's like we carry a backpack and whenever we have difficult things we're not sure what to do with we kind of stuff them in there and then try and carry on."

"You don't have to have one big wound, you can die from a thousand paper cuts and if you don't have a way of processing those things and regaining your peace of mind, then those things will sit there and keep being added to."

"I want to be able to make a world of difference to those people that come into my path without expending lots of energy, worrying about all the people I can't help."

"You can't change what's happened, but you can choose how you respond."

"If you don't take care of yourself first, you actually end up with an empty cup and nothing to give."

ABOUT THE GUEST

https://www.facebook.com/handlinggrief

Self-Care Assessment Quiz: https://forms.gle/VnJczittxorjCQ9e6

Handling Grief Self-Assessment Quiz: https://hg-self-assessment-quiz.scoreapp.com/p/self-assessment

VALUABLE RESOURCES

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Email: [email protected]

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BOOKS:

Goals Do Come True is now live and available to buy on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3phcy6Z

Think Simple, Win Big is now live and available to buy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Think-Simple-Win-Big-Business/

Enjoy, and come back for the latest podcast each Wednesday. Thank you for listening.