Artwork

内容由wgnradio.com提供。所有播客内容(包括剧集、图形和播客描述)均由 wgnradio.com 或其播客平台合作伙伴直接上传和提供。如果您认为有人在未经您许可的情况下使用您的受版权保护的作品,您可以按照此处概述的流程进行操作https://zh.player.fm/legal
Player FM -播客应用
使用Player FM应用程序离线!

The Best Speed Jokes of 2024 Tournament

 
分享
 

Manage episode 460953660 series 13681
内容由wgnradio.com提供。所有播客内容(包括剧集、图形和播客描述)均由 wgnradio.com 或其播客平台合作伙伴直接上传和提供。如果您认为有人在未经您许可的情况下使用您的受版权保护的作品,您可以按照此处概述的流程进行操作https://zh.player.fm/legal

Last year we launched the inaugural Best Speed Jokes Tournament, sponsored by Team Hochberg, with more than 10,000 votes casted as 16 of John Williams’ favorite jokes faced off. This year, the Best Speed Jokes Tournament returns with 2024’s best 16 Speed Jokes, as selected by John, Pete Zimmerman and Speed Jokes expert and WGN Radio listener Marge Sipla – and your chance to win a coveted Speed Jokes mug!

Graphic by Michael Piff / WGN Radio. Speed Jokes logo art by David Lee Csicsko

[UPDATED]

WGN Radio listeners voted for their favorite jokes to advance round-by-round, from January 13th to January 17th. Below are the results from each round after voting.

By voting, you registered for a chance to win a coveted Speed Jokes mug. A random winner will be selected as we announce the Best Speed Jokes of 2024 Champion.

And the best Speed Joke of 2024 is…

Guy sees a sign outside a house that reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.” He goes in and says to the dog, “What have you done with your life?” And the dog says, “Well, I’ve had a very full life. I lived in the Alps and rescued avalanche victims, I served my country in the war, and now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.” And the guys is flabbergasted. He says to the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you wanna get rid of an incredible dog like this?” And the owner says, “Because he’s a liar. He never did any of those things.”

Eliminated Jokes

So I was trying on a pair of shoes, and I said to the salesperson, “These are a little too tight.” And then she told me to try it with the tongue out, so I said “It’s no good. It’s still too tight.” (say last line with your tongue out)

Spring is here! Spring is here! I’m so excited, I wet my plants.

“John, can you describe yourself in three words?”
“Yes. Lazy.”

I met a microbiologist yesterday.
Yeah?
She was much bigger than I thought.

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date last night.
How’d it go?
Okay, but then oxygen hooked up with Magnesium and I was like O-Mg!

A Frenchman walks into a café with a parrot on his shoulder. Guy in a café says, “Where’d you get that thing?” The parrot says, “In France. They’ve got a million of them.”

Two hotdogs get married. It’s their wedding night and one hotdog turns to the other and says, “Are we gonna use a condiment?”

Why aren’t dogs permitted in bars? Because they can’t control their licker.

A bunch of chess pieces are in a van going down the road. The knight piece is driving erratically. The cop pulls him over and says, “Step outside and walk a straight line.” And the knight’s like, “Uh oh.”

I went skydiving for the first time yesterday. The guy strapped himself to me. We jumped out of the plane and as we were falling to earth, he yelled, “So how long have you been an instructor?”

Three skunks are walking down a street together when they come to an intersection.
Skunk #1 says, “My instincts tell me to go left.”
Skunk #2 says, “My instincts tell me to go right.”
Skunk #3 says, “Hey, my end stinks too, but it doesn’t talk to me.”

Guy walks into a bar and hears, “You look great! Have you lost weight?” He looks around and no one’s there. A minute later, he hears, “Hey handsome, you don’t look a day over 30.” He sees no one. Bartender comes over and says, “It’s the peanuts. They’re complimentary.”

I’ll bet the YMCA dance is a lot harder to do in Chinese

I think I’ve put on some weight lately. When I butt dial, it’s now a conference call.

A pirate walks into a bar with a big ship’s wheel down his pants. The bartender says, “Excuse me, sir. Do you know you’ve got a big ship’s wheel down your pants?” The pirate says, “Aargh, it’s driving me nuts.”

TUNE IN to the John Williams Show to hear more about the Best Speed Jokes of 2024 Tournament, and new Speed Jokes Monday through Friday from 10 AM to 2 PM.

  continue reading

75集单集

Artwork

The Best Speed Jokes of 2024 Tournament

John Williams

0-10 subscribers

published

icon分享
 
Manage episode 460953660 series 13681
内容由wgnradio.com提供。所有播客内容(包括剧集、图形和播客描述)均由 wgnradio.com 或其播客平台合作伙伴直接上传和提供。如果您认为有人在未经您许可的情况下使用您的受版权保护的作品,您可以按照此处概述的流程进行操作https://zh.player.fm/legal

Last year we launched the inaugural Best Speed Jokes Tournament, sponsored by Team Hochberg, with more than 10,000 votes casted as 16 of John Williams’ favorite jokes faced off. This year, the Best Speed Jokes Tournament returns with 2024’s best 16 Speed Jokes, as selected by John, Pete Zimmerman and Speed Jokes expert and WGN Radio listener Marge Sipla – and your chance to win a coveted Speed Jokes mug!

Graphic by Michael Piff / WGN Radio. Speed Jokes logo art by David Lee Csicsko

[UPDATED]

WGN Radio listeners voted for their favorite jokes to advance round-by-round, from January 13th to January 17th. Below are the results from each round after voting.

By voting, you registered for a chance to win a coveted Speed Jokes mug. A random winner will be selected as we announce the Best Speed Jokes of 2024 Champion.

And the best Speed Joke of 2024 is…

Guy sees a sign outside a house that reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.” He goes in and says to the dog, “What have you done with your life?” And the dog says, “Well, I’ve had a very full life. I lived in the Alps and rescued avalanche victims, I served my country in the war, and now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.” And the guys is flabbergasted. He says to the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you wanna get rid of an incredible dog like this?” And the owner says, “Because he’s a liar. He never did any of those things.”

Eliminated Jokes

So I was trying on a pair of shoes, and I said to the salesperson, “These are a little too tight.” And then she told me to try it with the tongue out, so I said “It’s no good. It’s still too tight.” (say last line with your tongue out)

Spring is here! Spring is here! I’m so excited, I wet my plants.

“John, can you describe yourself in three words?”
“Yes. Lazy.”

I met a microbiologist yesterday.
Yeah?
She was much bigger than I thought.

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date last night.
How’d it go?
Okay, but then oxygen hooked up with Magnesium and I was like O-Mg!

A Frenchman walks into a café with a parrot on his shoulder. Guy in a café says, “Where’d you get that thing?” The parrot says, “In France. They’ve got a million of them.”

Two hotdogs get married. It’s their wedding night and one hotdog turns to the other and says, “Are we gonna use a condiment?”

Why aren’t dogs permitted in bars? Because they can’t control their licker.

A bunch of chess pieces are in a van going down the road. The knight piece is driving erratically. The cop pulls him over and says, “Step outside and walk a straight line.” And the knight’s like, “Uh oh.”

I went skydiving for the first time yesterday. The guy strapped himself to me. We jumped out of the plane and as we were falling to earth, he yelled, “So how long have you been an instructor?”

Three skunks are walking down a street together when they come to an intersection.
Skunk #1 says, “My instincts tell me to go left.”
Skunk #2 says, “My instincts tell me to go right.”
Skunk #3 says, “Hey, my end stinks too, but it doesn’t talk to me.”

Guy walks into a bar and hears, “You look great! Have you lost weight?” He looks around and no one’s there. A minute later, he hears, “Hey handsome, you don’t look a day over 30.” He sees no one. Bartender comes over and says, “It’s the peanuts. They’re complimentary.”

I’ll bet the YMCA dance is a lot harder to do in Chinese

I think I’ve put on some weight lately. When I butt dial, it’s now a conference call.

A pirate walks into a bar with a big ship’s wheel down his pants. The bartender says, “Excuse me, sir. Do you know you’ve got a big ship’s wheel down your pants?” The pirate says, “Aargh, it’s driving me nuts.”

TUNE IN to the John Williams Show to hear more about the Best Speed Jokes of 2024 Tournament, and new Speed Jokes Monday through Friday from 10 AM to 2 PM.

  continue reading

75集单集

所有剧集

×
 
Loading …

欢迎使用Player FM

Player FM正在网上搜索高质量的播客,以便您现在享受。它是最好的播客应用程序,适用于安卓、iPhone和网络。注册以跨设备同步订阅。

 

快速参考指南

边探索边听这个节目
播放