Forgiving

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How to Forgive

Shaykh ibrahim Ansari

In the process of becoming a Mature Human Being (Insan-i-Kamil), we learn humility, sincerity and patience. But as proto-humans - before we can embrace those qualities - we discover that we are dragging around superfluous noxious weights of guilt, shame and regret. These once had a purpose to help us change and grow. But, as usual, we have weaponised these once innocent tools into unwanted habits (nafs).

Regrets, guilt and shame weigh us down like stones in our heart. They disconnect us from our self, from others, and from the Divine. To move forward, we need to throw off these dictators of disgrace. We intend to face these problems like addiction, co-dependence, and abuse. We are becoming aware of our faults and developing a plan. And then we find there are those around us who are pleased to tell us to ‘just let go’ of these annoyances.

Sung about and easily tossed at us, from armchair life coaches to long-established therapists, religions and Spiritualists, is the concept of 'Letting Go'.

It sounds so easy, and especially when we see so obviously another person’s attachment, and then, with a wave of the hand, to tell them to drop it, to do something else, to ‘Let It Go’.

But when it comes to our own personal work, when we discover a habit that is dragging us down, we know that it really isn’t so easy to just ‘let it go’. We find there are lots more bits hanging on to that one thing. Like weeding, the roots go deep and connect to other root systems. The habit does not seem to disappear as we so desperately want it to. It keeps resurfacing and interfering in our life. Why doesn’t it just go away like everybody says it can?

Fortunately, over the centuries, a number of tools have developed that, when used properly, are efficient and effective. Tools like the various psychological therapies, meditation, Zikr and prayer. Your habit or attachment from the past requires proper focus, transformation and management. A strategy is needed.

The available tools are not magic wands. A tool is just that. Like a shovel, one needs to apply effort to shift the dirt, and usually this requires many repeated uses of that one tool, over and over again. Effort is work, and work may require muscles you have not used in a while. There will be soreness, weakness, and probably sweat. Frustration that the work isn’t finished yet may result in tears and anger. But until the pile is gone, there is still work to be done. So besides feeling unused muscles, frustration, and effort, this is all going to take time and a sense of humor.

Neurophysiologically, we are rewiring the brain. This organ is not hardwired for the most part. Currently, it is in the state adapted from your experiences. It can be changed, which means old habits can be recycled into better ones at any age. We are learning more everyday about how the brain functions. One thing we know is that exercise helps maintain the plasticity. As all sports and arts people are aware, it takes constant practice to nurture and grow any talent, as well as learning new skills.

The process of Practice has some innate and unexpected goodies. What alchemists, m

Salaam Alaykum, murids, seekers, curious and interested listeners,

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