Robot Monster

Silver Screen Cesspool

Robot Monster (1953)
"Moon Monsters Launch Attack Against Earth!"
" ... A young boy and a girl are playing outside at what appears to be the Mayberry Rock quarry. The boy shoots his toy laser pistol at the girl and her doll. They run around and stumble onto two scientists who are removing random rocks from the wall of the mouth of a cave so they can send them to a museum. Because that’s how geology works. 'Here’s a random rock. Off to the museum, it goes!' My entire unpaved driveway is currently on display at the Smithsonian.
The mother and older sister of these children run up apologize to the scientists for the kids bothering them, and then remind the kids they promised to take a nap after the picnic they just had. The kids reluctantly agree, after some gentle prodding by the younger scientist who has the hots for the older sister. They return to the picnic blanket, where the boy asks his mom, and this is a direct quote, “Say are we ever going to have a new father around our house?” What the absolute f*ck? Is the robot monster the name of the person who wrote the dialogue? “Are we ever going to have a new father around our house?’ Sure son, I’ll pick one up at five and dime on the way home from the market tomorrow. I think I saw a coupon for 10% off fathers in the Sunday paper ..."

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Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!

Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo

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