How To Say NO But Make Them Feel Good About It

The Maximal Life

Think of all the times when you felt compelled to say yes to something that you would rather have said no to: an extra meeting with a business associate, a favor for an acquaintance, a party, errands for a friend. These are things that you either don’t want to do or don’t really have time for. But how can you refuse? Can you refuse? How do you say no to someone without being rude, without feeling guilty, and without the other person feeling hurt or disappointed?

Saying no is difficult. When someone asks for help, it makes us feel valued and important. We want to say yes because we like to help, to please others. We also say yes when we ought to say no because it is like instant gratification; we say yes because it is what we want to do in that moment; perhaps without giving a thought to future cost or consequence. It feels good until we realize that by saying yes to one thing, we say no to something else. Researchers found that people who have difficulty saying no to others are more likely to be stressed and even depressed.