Episode 51: If you are raising kids in the digital age, hold on to this!

The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world

Raising kids in the digital age can sometimes be so hard, but when you have THIS, coming from a mom that has been there, it helps so so so much!

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FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hey there friends today, we are going to talk about hope and I think it's something that we all need a lifeline to when it comes to raising our beautiful children in this interconnected, intricate, ever changing digital world. Am I right? Or am I right? Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:20):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, he friends.

Speaker 1 (00:45):

Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. The last week, I hit you with an episode that had so much jam packed information about 2020 and how our kids interacted with all the digital things. It was a report that bark put together.

Speaker 1 (01:32):

And if you didn't check that out, go back. I think it's episode 50, check that out because it is so very informative and quite eyeopening to see which platforms are the most risky for our kids and ones that I never expected to even make that list. So if you didn't check that out, check that out, but if you did check it out, then you may be like, Oh my God, Dolly, this is just so complicated. I don't know how to keep up with the stuff. And you may be losing hope, right? Like sometimes you can be on top of things and be monitoring all the things. And sometimes it just feels so, so heavy. And so, so much of a burden, but it's so, so very important to make sure that we are staying on top of these things. So as a mom that has raised three kids, my kids are now 22, 18 and 15.

Speaker 1 (02:23):

And while the job of parenting I don't think is ever done, right. I feel like we have walked through some very, very difficult times. I'm seeing the other side of that hump or that Hill that we went over and not to say that we're completely through it or that we won't have challenges going forward. But I just want to give you a little inkling of a perspective. If you are someone who has still has younger children, or you're just kind of starting down this path and trying to figure out what to do. I want to give you some hope and something that you can clean to and hold on to in hard days in those days where you just feel like, Oh my God, I wish I would have never gotten that phone. I wish I never would have allowed that social media or you're one of those that's like, I don't ever want to allow the things like I just don't.

Speaker 1 (03:12):

I want to just keep them here and shelter them and not do all of this. Like, I'm just, I don't want to. So I want to give you a middle ground to all of that and something that you can hold on to. So if you've listened to some of my episodes toward the beginning of my podcast, which is coming up on a year ago, I have shared lots of information about my journey as a mom, raising kids in the digital age, my kids, their ages specifically made it to where our challenges were like the oldest one didn't get her first phone until she got a phone in middle school, but it wasn't a smartphone because smartphones didn't exist yet. And then with each one of them, they got a smartphone at a younger and younger age. So personally, this has given me a perspective that if your kids are younger right now, and you're just starting going through this, I think this will help you to understand the influence a little bit more.

Speaker 1 (04:05):

But what it's given me a perspective of is just how much of an influence the smartphone and the social media and the time spent on devices and the boundaries that we put up around the use of these things, how much of an impact it has on our children. My kids are doing beautifully. They are, you know, in every way excelling in their lives, but I can just see how our road of helping them grow up and navigate all the teenage things was made harder by all of the digital things. So what I'm seeing now, and the reason that I want to give you this message is that over the past year and a half, we really came down hard on making some changes because it became very evident that we had to, if we wanted to make sure that our kids were on the correct course to a bright and successful future.

Speaker 1 (04:57):

So we made drastic changes on where the phones were allowed and what things were allowed, and really put down initially put down some very hard restrictions. And then over time we have eased up on that at the same time as my kids have gotten older and specifically my youngest one, we have seen him go through some maturity along with the guidance of the digital things. And I've come out on the other side to some degree. And it just to me, is such a beautiful thing to see some of that maturity coming out to where it's not so much me having to put all the restrictions down and always, you know, be like, have all these rules and stuff, but more so we've had the period of time with no restrictions or very little, and the period of time with a lot more. And that has helped guide him to realize the effect that these things have on him and for him to self-regulate.

Speaker 1 (05:55):

So I think that be all of our goal is to kind of allow these things initially with a lot of guidance. And then over time as they get older, you let that out a little bit and have them kind of self-regulate and try to, you know, guide them toward the decisions that are best for them. And that creates an awareness for them of what's healthy and what is best. And of course, you know, if they're not making the best decisions, if you're noticing that they're backtracking, or if you're noticing that they are not handling all the things well, then it's time to reassess and readjust. But my point is that sometimes it seems so, so heavy and it's so much to navigate. It's so much to figure out and it's ever changing. I remember times where my youngest would ask me, can I have this game?

Speaker 1 (06:47):

You know, so let me go look at this game and figure out what this game is about. All I have 10,000 other things going on in my life that I need to pay 10 to do. And I really don't want to look up this game and want to just say, yes, that's fine, whatever. So what I'm trying to say to you is like, hold strong in what you're doing. Hold strong in always looking for the proactive way to guide your children through this because it's so, so very important for their future, that we don't make ourselves nonchalant around all of this stuff that we realize that this does have an impact on our children. But the beauty of it is that it does have a purpose and it will have a bonus a reason for doing this as they get a little bit older. So that's my whole message for today is

Speaker 3 (07:34):

Stay strong, hold yourself

Speaker 1 (07:37):

In that place of being proactive as you guide your kids. I'm not one that is going to say, you need to be a screen-free family, or, you know, I'm always for not, I'm not saying that. And I don't have that stance. I think there's a place in a time for there to be screen-free stuff when you are, you know, to have everything screen-free, when you need to do a detox and you need to figure out how to course correct. But our ultimate goal is to guide them to be prosperous and, you know, bright, happy, adjusted kids. You know, so as are adults. So as they get older, our goal is to guide them in an ever expanding use of all the digital things, without it hindering their wellbeing, their health, you know, their brain development, all of those things. So that's it. That's my whole message.

Speaker 1 (08:28):

I know that short and sweet for the most part, but I just wanted to say that there is hope there is a reason to do this. And the times that it gets hard, take a deep breath, take a step back, you know, take the time that you need to like regenerate, revive yourself, your know, your mindset, your energy, your focus, take time to do that when you need to, but don't get so lax you provide no, because when your kids give you pushback and when your kids are like, you know, giving you attitude and stuff, I believe that that's actually kind of a enacting out of what they are needing and what they are needing is for us to guide them, even though they will not admit that they may not know that, but they absolutely do need our guidance. And when they start acting out and having attitude and all of the things, it's actually their message to us that we need to, you know, take a stance and put our foot down on what needs to happen.

Speaker 1 (09:32):

And then, you know, move forward together, hand in hand communication with each other, figuring out how to do this together. But knowing that you are the parent and that you were doing this for a reason, and that there is hope on the other side of things. So I hope that makes sense and is helpful for you. If you are one of those that is feeling kind of exhausted with all of the things lately. I know I've been there and I've been like, Holy cow, this is hard. And I do believe that raising kids in this digital age has put on an extra layer of hard for us as parents. We're the first generation of parents to navigate this. And I think that my experience with my kids and the ages they were when smartphones came out and when I unknowingly let them have access to the entire world and offered absolutely no guidance, that there was a reason for that.

Speaker 1 (10:25):

And I hope that part of that reason is for me to bring you some of that knowledge that I have learned over the years and through all of the struggles so that you can do well with your kids too. And your younger ones have a much more proactive stance with how you were introducing tech and screen time and all of that. Okay. So hope that was helpful for you. And of course, you know, that if you've listened to any of my episodes, you know, there is bark to help you to help guide you. There is the pinwheel phone and the gab phone, both dumb smartphones that are a great way to start out with the tech stuff. But if you have given them an Android or an iPhone smartphone, absolutely get bark on their use code, be that mom for a discount, they give you a seven day free trial and 20% off using my code.

Speaker 1 (11:09):

And you can cancel at any time. It's a really, really low cost every month. It's so, so worth it though. So get that in your back pocket and make it part of your village. And that will help to guide you and take some of the difficult off of this whole thing, right? It still is something that we have to be proactive about, but bar absolutely helps to simplify it to some degree. Okay. So if you didn't listen to last episode about the bark stats for 2020, go back and listen to that because it's quite quite eyeopening. I still can't believe it when I think about it, because I had no clue with some of these platforms and websites. So check that out. I hope this one was helpful this week and hope you're staying warm and well, I am in South Texas in the us, and we are having very unusual weather where it is colder here than it has been.

Speaker 1 (12:00):

I think they said since like 1989, like the length of this cold spell that we're going through. So we have snow on the ground outside, and sometimes we get snow. It's not very often, but it usually is gone like, you know, by the next morning. But now we're sitting at like going on two days with some snow on the ground. So it's kind of cool, but that's one reason why I'm late getting this week's episode out. So I hope you're warm and you're well, wherever you are in the world, thanks so much for listening and I'll chat with you next time. Thank you.

Speaker 2 (12:31):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (12:45):

Hey there, before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.