Episode 274: Quick Chat - Every Problem is a Thought Problem

Love Your Story: Stories and discussions about personal growth, mindset and living with intention

Episode 274: Quick Chat - Every Problem

is a Thought Problem

Welcome to the Love Your Story podcast. I’m your host Lori Lee and today you are here for a Quick Chat - that’s one inspirational idea in 15 minutes or less.

Today chat is: Every Problem is a thought problem.

It’s a bold statement. But a true one. And one that sets us free. One that puts us in control, most of the time.

So stay tuned as we discuss how much power ACTUALLY have, and how to solve the problems.

Since you are a listener of the Love Your Story podcast I’m going to make the assumption that we are on the same page on the topic of taking responsibility for the pivotal role our thoughts play in shaping our realities. Basically - our thoughts OR stories that we create in our minds create our realities - are we on the same page there? There are 7 Billion realities going on out there…

Ok. With that said, I want to start out with the quote by Byron Katie. She says, “It’s not the problem that causes our suffering; it’s our thinking about the problem.”

In other words, “Every problem is a thought problem.”

Let’s put me in the hot seat. 2023 was a rough year for Realtors and lenders. The higher interest rates meant that for a great many of us the clients buying and selling slowed down. I primarily blamed my slow year on this situation, but here’s another angle - a slower year allowed me to travel more. It gave me more time to reach out and renew and develop relationships with my data base - my past clients. Which part do I want to focus on? Was it a problem or an opportunity? Problems don’t have to stay problems, they can become opportunities if we choose to shift our thoughts.

In the realm of personal development and self reflection this idea invites us to scrutinize the nature of our challenges by recognizing the subjective nature of them. By understanding and claiming that situations and ideas only hold the power we allow them to hold.

Another example - if I come from a family where being a part of a certain religion is tantamount to being right with God and the world, then if I step away from that religion my social construct - family, friends, and members of that congregation may collapse around me, or cause people pain. On the other hand, if there is an acceptance among those people that everyone find their own way in the world, in a way that each individual feels is best for them, then the suffering ceases to happen.

Or, if respect is really important to me, as it is to most type A personalities and I am disrespected, I will/can feel a lot of resentment, anger, frustration, maybe even embarrassment about this, whereas someone for whom that is not an important thing may hardly notice it, or may not feel disrespected in a similar situation. In other words - situations are subjective. Problems are subjective.

My mother used to get really upset when her family parties didn’t unfold as she had expected - her expectations weren’t met and she’d often cry before the night was through - she learned to let go of those expectations and go with the flow as the years went by, but this is a good example of a person creating pain for themselves and then learning how to adjust their thoughts in a way that created less pain for them.

Now let’s combine this with the idea that “everything happens for me, not to me.” With the combination of these two ideas a powerful shift occurs. A shift that can redefine the way we navigate life’s complexities.

Katie’s assertion is that our thoughts about our circumstances themselves contribute more to our issues than do the circumstances themselves.

This is an important thing to realize because when we internalize the belief that problems are, at their core, rooted in thought patterns, then we gain agency over our responses which helps us with resiliency and adaptability. And when we get good at recognizing the stories we have naturally created about an event, and we transition into looking at other ways we could interpret or shift that story or thought, then we become powerful! We become the thought shifters that move us toward our own happiness.

When/if you adopt the idea that the things that happen in our lives are happening for our well being - happening “for” us, not “to” us, we start embracing a narrative tool that allows us to view challenges as opportunities for self-discover, for growth, for development, rather than being a victim.

P O W E R F U L

This is the mindset that allows us to step out of victimhood.

Jeffry R. Holland, apostle in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints said, “To anybody struggling today, I say: Be hopeful, be happy and smile. Remember that God is on your side. He is not an angry, vicious God trying to trip you. He is for you - not against you. He is your Father. He is anxious to do everything possible to bless you.”

When I started my graduate work back in 2013 I was biting off a lot. I was working full time, driving an hour and a half up to Utah State University to teach every day and to take my own classes. I was grading student papers and was a single mom of 2 teenagers. I was very determined and excited, and I remember on my drive up, the first day of class, the thoughts that were crossing my mind were very distrustful of God. After a while of fearful thoughts like “he’s just waiting for me to make a mistake,” I realized what I was doing. I don’t know why my thoughts naturally went to a god who was waiting to make things hard on me, but I remember the exact moment when the thought pushed through - he is for you, not against you. He is your cheerleader. He’ll help you succeed in the ways you want to succeed. He’ll help you do this. At that thought my entire body changed. The tension left, the relief flooded in. The moment was very profound for me.

Two tools I want to leave with you today:

1. All problems are thought problems, so when you’re having a difficult time with something, take a minute to look at the stories (not that your stories are wrong, they are just creating your reality and your emotion around things.) and consider what you can shift or let go of that will change that suffering, that will allow you to proceed in peace.
2. When you embrace the idea that things are happening for me - you gain the powerful, supportive mindset that challenges are intricately woven into the fabric of personal evolution and we can extract meaning and growth from all these spaces. This mindset transcends the dichotomy of positive and negative experiences, weaving a narrative where each moment - good and bad, contributes to the tapestry - the intricate and beautiful design of our lives.

Let me also add, that in practice, embracing this idea also plants seeds for gratitude. It plants seeds of resilience during hard times because we can find solace and purpose in the adversity.

As we close up this quick chat I invite you - I challenge you, to examine the role of your thoughts in regard to your suffering, in regard to your subjective interpretation of the world around you, in regard to your challenges. See if you’re feeling like a victim and what needs to change so you can take responsibily for your own role in your suffering.

I hear you…your saying….but he did cheat on me, that’s a fact, and under no circumstances is that ok. All true, perhaps. But if you stay in the victim role about how you were done wrong so you have an excuse for no functioning well, for being bitter, then you’ve missed your own power. Those things can be true, but you can focus on the fact that now that person who wasn’t doing right by you is out of your life, or you can tune into the understanding you have of others who have gone through this. You can learn about yourself and what part you played, she what’s behind that door….

But my dad didn’t make me feel loved so I have every right to ignore him, cop an attitude, be disrespectful. Dads are “supposed” to do XYZ. Well, take that apart. Your shoving him away isn’t helping build a relationship. Did you try to communicate with him in loving ways? What did you do to try and build relationship? Love begets love. Let’s problem solve here instead of blaming and wallowing.

Then, take the “everything happens FOR me” mindset and insert it into these spaces and see what shifts for you. Try this over and over. It will change your world.

How is the challenge before you FOR you?

The other day I was digging my heels in about letting a couple people into my life that I have no desire to be around. I try to stay in a space of higher vibe people, I try to put up boundaries to people I feel are unhealthy. Well, these folks that I needed to forgive and consider softening toward were right in my face and I wanted nothing to do with it, but I was writing this and so I went to HOW IS THIS FOR ME? It was easy - this was an opportunity for me to learn to love better. This was an opportunity for me to work on forgiving, letting go, kindness. Still working it through, but it definitely changes the mindset.

Thanks for tuning in for this quick chat about one very powerful idea. I hope you’ll use it as you embrace your power over your own reality.

Please share this episode with at least one person you love and have a great couple weeks creating your life on purpose and creating a story you love. See you soon for the next episode of the Love Your Story podcast.