Episode 63: Are you guilty of sharenting? How much is too much?

The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world

Sharing our kid's lives on social media has become common, but there is a point where we may overshare. Here are a few tips to help navigate this!

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Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

It is a term now officially in the dictionary. And that is the term Sharon tink, which is a combination of sharing in parenting and how most parents will go on social media to share about their kids and sometimes overshare about their kids and what that means as far as oversharing can be anything from things that may be when they're older, they want to be kept private, or they might find them embarrassing to some parents who create accounts. That's all about shaming, their kids, or just, you know, kind of talking about all the struggles of parenting and not necessarily intentionally shaming them, but ultimately kind of doing that by kind of making light of it or making fun of it or being sarcastic about it. So that is a phenomenon kind of a controversial thing that we are seeing now, now that social media and all the things have been out for over a decade. And so it's definitely something that us as parents that are being proactive in this space need to think about and need to think through and realize that our actions on social media are also going to impact our kids. So that's what we're going to talk about today.

Speaker 2 (01:14):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, Hey friends. Do,

Speaker 1 (01:40):

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Speaker 1 (02:25):

Well, it is right next to the utility room and our house, like on the other side of one of the walls. And it seems that one of my inhabitants of the house is washing their clothes and drying their clothes. Now we all do our own laundry. Me and my husband do ours together. And then each one of the kids does theirs, right? So earlier today I wash some clothes and I purposely waited until I had finished washing and drying them before I came in here to record, because I didn't want to have that background noise from when specifically when the dryer goes off or when the washer is like doing it spin. So I must have not made it clear when I was coming in here to record that I needed those things to be off. And someone has come in and I applaud them for doing their own laundry because I don't want to have to do it all again.

Speaker 1 (03:12):

That was like mountains of laundry with three kids and all the things and years ago. So if you hear that, I apologize for that background noise. I think that, that my microphone is very, very sensitive. So it does pick it up on occasion. And in the past I have had to rerecord things because it was so loud in the background. So hopefully it's quiet enough that you don't hear it, but if you do my apologies, the other options I have are to go outside and you would hear the background noise of like cars driving by or the wind or whatever. So I had already started recording this when someone came along and put something in the dryer. So I'm just going to be happy that they're doing their laundry and hope that you'll forgive me for the background noise. So today let's talk about that.

Speaker 1 (03:51):

So let's talk about how most of us social media, wasn't a thing when we were younger, right? And then it came along and it was such an amazing thing to be able to connect with people that you otherwise probably would not see or talk to. Right? Like I know that I was able to reconnect with high school classmates college classmates, you know, family, that I never see that lives in other States or another part of the world. And so it's been this amazing way to connect. And I never once really thought about how me sharing about the kids' lives could negatively impact them in the future. Not that I'm sharing anything that's necessarily bad or embarrassing, but, you know, it's just natural for us to kind of share our struggles. And when that involves our kids, it can turn around and be something that works against them in their future.

Speaker 1 (04:39):

So much like I've talked about in other people talk about our kids, making a digital footprint and being responsible online. We have to be aware that what we are seeing and doing and posting is also a part of their digital footprint. Now, I don't think that it necessarily means that we need to like completely not share anything about them at all, but I'm going to give you some tips here. Some we're going to talk about some of the risks of oversharing and then some tips to help guide us in this so that you can move forward from this, you know, and be really proactive in what you were doing and sharing and all of that. Okay. So, sorry, I need to turn off this notification on here. So it will quit being, as we were talking and I always have trouble figuring out how to turn it off.

Speaker 1 (05:24):

So two things to consider, as far as the risks of what you share on your social media is the digital footprint that it creates for your child. So, you know, if you're sharing from birth, then you know, all of that is out there for people to gather in, to see, I suppose, that you can still make your accounts private or have a private account. That's only specifically for family. When you want to share things about your children. I think that would be a great way for you to do it, you know, to kind of get around this, but ultimately anything that's put out there can somehow be accessed and recovered by those that know how to do it. So anything that's shared, I would just, you know, think and rethink about whether or not this is something that should be shared and that maybe could come back to haunt them.

Speaker 1 (06:14):

The other thing is just a child's right to privacy, to confidentiality for things, you know, they've said that some parents, when they've shared stuff, that information is then gone and been used in the instances of a divorce or some type of legal matter. So there's always that issue. And then another thing is the identity theft that can happen if you were consistently sharing details about them. And then someone goes and can gather that information enough so that they can steal their identity or, you know, somehow mimic them. So those are the big things I would consider as far as risks for the things that you do share online. So some tips on how we can share safely is to set boundaries around what you share, discuss it with the father of your children, and then discuss with your children when they are old enough. Like when they get to teenage years, you know, their bodies are going through a lot of changes.

Speaker 1 (07:16):

They're becoming more self-aware, you know, all the things that they go through and knowing that anything and everything they do, you're going to snap a picture of it and go put it on social media. So you and your friends can laugh about it or family members or whatever, or, you know, not even laugh about it, but, you know, just the fact that that's always something that is possible. There needs to be set up some form of boundaries around that. What I have done is I never post something until I ask permission. If I can, of course, when the kids were younger, I didn't do that. But now that they are teenagers and older, I don't post things unless I have asked them if it's okay. And there was a period of time where one of my kids absolutely wanted nothing, no pictures put on social media or on my stories and would tell me that in almost appear kind of anxious when I would, you know, he'd find out that I was taking a picture or recording something.

Speaker 1 (08:08):

And the response was, don't put that on your stories or don't put that on your social media. So it was then in there that I decided that nothing would be shared or go up on my accounts. And most of mine are public because I do run this podcast and I run my wellness coach business. So they are public because they are a part of what I do as a business with helping other people. So I limit what I put in regards to my kids on those accounts. Okay. So that's always something to consider. Another thing is to consider an alternative sharing method with friends and family. So it could be a private account that you have separate that is specifically just for you and your family that you approve on that account. Again, that probably can be accessed by someone who really wants to get into it.

Speaker 1 (08:54):

So maybe you could through another route like a Google doc or something like that, if you feel that concerned about it, but having a private account would be an alternative way to share things without putting it out into the entire world. Another thing is to just check your privacy settings on all of your social media, just periodically doing this because over time the platforms amend their policies, you know, and change the way they do data sharing. So certainly be aware of whatever platform you're on, what their policy is for sharing things when it comes to your kids. And then the last thing is just, if you ever find that someone, a third party outside of your family is sharing information about your child, impersonating your child, somehow using that information and refuse to using that information about refuses, to remove the information or stop sharing it as they are.

Speaker 1 (09:49):

Then at that point in time, I would seek legal advice and also go to the platform, you know, reporting it in the platform and get it shut down that way. I have seen it multiple times where people say that someone has hacked their account. I've also seen it where children's accounts are hacked, or someone takes their pictures that they've posted on their pages. They saved them and they create a whole nother account and impersonate them and say that they are them, but you know, they are not them. And that person does not have control of that account. So those are definitely things to consider. And also, like, I always say a reason why kids do not need to be on social media platforms and especially not unsupervised, if you do make the decision to put them on some sort of social media platform. Okay. So I never really honestly thought about this as something to be a big issue, but I've seen it pop up more in some of the parenting groups that I'm in.

Speaker 1 (10:47):

And so that's what got me to looking at it and thinking about it and researching it and was shocked to see that it's actually a term that is now added to the dictionary and is becoming something that is more and more talked about among parenting groups and really something that we all need to be aware of. There's actually different legal proceedings and different things going on in the different countries in order to create privacy protection acts and different things like that in order to make sure that kids are protected. So it's definitely something that is not benign, just like all the other things. It's something to consider and think about when we are sharing things. So definitely recommend a private account specifically for the family that you want to share information with. And, you know, just be aware that things are not benign. So if you share about them, you know, misbehaving and doing such and such or making this or that mistake or not being in the potty, you know, all of those things that do seem so trivial can at one point someday be used against them and create a digital footprint that you can follow them.

Speaker 1 (11:54):

So definitely keep that in mind. And I hope that this has raised your awareness too, of the possibility of this. Okay, thanks again for listening. And I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (12:07):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time either

Speaker 1 (12:21):

Before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.