Ep. 131: Lair Torrent | Real Love: Here’s How We Practice


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Born to a fifteen-year-old mother in abject poverty, Lair saw few examples of connective, loving functional relationships. As a young man, he began recapitulating those same behaviors of dysfunction in his own life. Committed to change, Lair initiated a lifelong journey of self-exploration and healing, which has culminated in his work as a therapist. Less than an “expert,” he considers himself a fellow practitioner of the principles he offers, trying to do it a little better tomorrow than he did it today.

Lair Torrent is a clinically trained and licensed marriage and family therapist and a mindfulness-based relationship therapist. He attended the Helix Training Program, a rigorous four-year, multi-discipline training in psycho-spiritual counseling and personal transformation based in New York City. His graduate work was conducted at Mercy College under Dr. Evan Imber-Black, a world-renowned marriage and family therapist, where his research focused on couples.

Lair is a DailyOm bestselling author and has been a contributing columnist at Inc.com. He writes, speaks publicly, and holds workshops and seminars on relationships and mindfulness and its effects on racism and children. Lair has published articles on his work and has been resourced and interviewed by such notable news outlets and publications as NPR, Rolling Stone, and the New York Times for his expertise in working with struggling relationships.

In his new book, The Practice of Love, Break Old Patterns, Rebuild Trust + Create a Connection That Lasts (Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, February 2022), He weaves together clinical psychology with eastern-based philosophy and evidence-based research, anecdotes from client sessions, and even personal experiences. He demonstrates how couples in turmoil can rewrite their unhealthy habits into a more loving, productive process.

In this episode of Visionary Souls, we explored...

  • The main reason why Lair wrote his book and what his highest vision for the book is
  • We are not the single organism that is staring back at us in the mirror
  • It’s about loving each other the way we need to be loved
  • How important it is to be mindful and aware of the little kid in our partner, the part of our partner that is asking that question ‘Tell me that I’m loved’
  • Personal responsibility is where your power center resides, it’s not giving up ground, it’s taking a higher ground, it’s taking the road less traveled
  • If you’re really aware of your parts, of how you’re showing up, the difficulties don’t seem so hard
  • When we cease being the victim and when we find the meaning, we find the breakthrough in our breakdown
  • Ways to tune back in with your center when you feel a fraud complex emerging and how common this is

And SOUL much more...come play!

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