437: No Ice Cream Until You Join The Defenders

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The question all comic fans have wrestled with their whole lives! Which member of The Defenders is the best Defender!? We take five, uh, famous Defenders — The Silver Surfer! Hellcat! Nighthawk! Moondragon! Valkyrie! — and pit them against each other in some very essential Defenders challenges! How convincingly would the Silver Surfer pretend to be Batman in order to help protect Bruce Wayne’s secret identity? How would Moondragon fare in the very real and very serious art of dressage (y’know, fancy horse dancing)? Is it possible Valkyrie would be the absolute best at telling scary campfire stories? Can fancy rich boy Nighthawk possibly compete in a proper hot-dog eating contest? And how do we feel about the vampire and/or vampyr-slaying abilities of Patsy Walker, the Hellcat? All this, and more rankings, and more tangents, and phone calculator functions, for you, all for you!

But first, in honour (with a U) of the late, great Donald Sutherland, we posthumously discuss which comic characters he could have brought to life in a way only he could! Galactus! Colonel Weird (from “Black Hammer”)! The Watcher! DC’s Uncle Sam! Khonshu! The Spectre! And, unfortunately, this segment is how Kyle learned that Donald Sutherland had passed. (Sorry, Kyle.)

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