My Reckoning With A Lost Decade Fightmaster MD Audio podcast

11:59

Why is it worth it? To take the leap of faith? If I'm betting on anything in this world, it's that my cat has the answer. --- Join my weekly newsletter here . Link to the text vision of this essay.

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25 Years Later, I Accept My Type 1 Diabetes Diagnosis 20:03

1 year之前20:03

20:03

I never denied it. But I never fully accepted it. In the end, this diabetes delusion led me into medical school. And now, finally, into an understanding of who I've always been. --- Essay Link: https://fightmastermd.com/2024/08/15/25-years-later-i-accept-my-type-1-diabetes-diagnosis/ Type 1 Diabetes Physiology: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfyGv-xwjlI Friday Morning Newsletter Sign-Up (FREE): https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/…

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No, Really, I Want to Be Here 4:14

1 year之前4:14

4:14

I thought I was fooling people, but I was only fooling myself. Everyone, deep down, knows if we're about it... or not. And I figured out the tell. ---- Join my email newsletter: https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/ Read this essay on my website: https://fightmastermd.com/2024/07/25/knock-knock-i-wasnt-home/…

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Can't Live With It, Can't Live Without It 4:55

1 year之前4:55

4:55

I thought it best to leave medicine behind me. It was just an eight year chapter that I wished to never repeat, right? Two years of time has revealed a surprising opposite: I can't survive without it. ---- Essay Link: https://fightmastermd.com/2024/07/18/cant-live-with-it-cant-live-without-it/ Newsletter Sign-Up: https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/…

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A 35-Year-Old Completes Adolescence 9:57

1 year之前9:57

9:57

Just because you leave an adolescent age (and enter medical school... and become a doctor... then become a psychiatrist), doesn't mean adolescence leaves you. Or so I've lived and understood, only now, at 35 years old. Better late than never. ----- Erikson's Stages of Development Link to this week's essay on FightmasterMD.com Get my 7 Days of Aliveness Course for FREE…

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The Eternal Impact of One Choice 4:09

1 year之前4:09

4:09

When it's all said and done, I hope to own a collection of choices that helped me understand who I am. And I hope I made the right ones because they're going to impact everyone I know. We're all in this together. ... Email me at fightmastermd@gmail.com for your free copy of my audiobook. Essay link: https://fightmastermd.com/2024/07/03/the-eternal-impact-of-one-choice/…

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A First in Many Moons—The Hunt Stops 4:29

1 year之前4:29

4:29

For the past eight years, I've been afraid to pause, scared to rest, and reticent to enjoy. Unconsciously, I knew I couldn’t bear the risk. But now, I consciously understand I must. ____________ Essay Link: https://fightmastermd.com/2024/06/27/a-first-in-many-moons-the-hunt-stops/ Send me an email ( fightmastermd@gmail.com ) and I'll send you a promo code for a free copy of my audiobook. Only 50 codes left!…

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What Does It Mean to Lose? 5:52

1 year之前5:52

5:52

We play the game of our life to discover who we are. That and other revelations had while watching my wife's tennis tournament. ... Get my free course here: https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/ Read this essay on my website: https://fightmastermd.com/2024/06/20/what-does-it-mean-to-lose/

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We Self-Deceive to Survive 5:40

1 year之前5:40

5:40

I just understood why I really wrote my first book: to prevent myself from ever making my medicine mistake again. But playing the game not to lose is no way to play the game. To step forward, I remembered a sage piece of little league advice from my dad. ___ Newsletter Sign-up HERE This week's essay HERE…

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Written in the Stars: Psychiatry and Me 5:28

1 year之前5:28

5:28

When I look back now, it seems I always meant to be a psychiatrist. Out of necessity. If I wanted to open up a door into a future that wasn't just a replication of my past, becoming a shrink was always the skeleton key. ... Book link: 32 Lessons from 8 Years Lost in Medicine Essay link: Written in the Stars: Psychiatry and Me…

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Infinite Reflections in Medicine's Mirror 7:33

1 year之前7:33

7:33

They say, "Wherever you go, there you are." I'd like to add, "and so follow your object relations." When I went to medical school for my family, I unwittingly melded medicine and family together. Only after I left, could I see the two as separate, make peace, and gratefully love them both. ----- Got a story of integration yourself? I'd love to connect! Here's my contact page: https://fightmastermd.com/contact/ Essay link: https://fightmastermd.com/2024/05/30/infinite-reflections-in-medicines-mirror/ Get free access to my 7 Days of Aliveness Course here: https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/…

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How Little Everything Else Matters 5:25

1 year之前5:25

5:25

Turns out, owning a sense of self kinda matters. Essay Link: https://fightmastermd.com/2024/05/23/how-little-everything-else-matters/ 7 Days of Aliveness: https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/

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All My Whys Were Lies 4:12

1 year之前4:12

4:12

Life was "... not so clear to me as I have for a long time imagined." Thanks to Rousseau, I've seen my motivations for what they are: obscured by the lies of my whys... until I'm ready to see the truth. Today's essay link: https://fightmastermd.com/2024/05/16/all-my-whys-were-lies/ 7 Days of Aliveness Course (FREE): https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/ My first book on Amazon (32 Lessons from 8 Years Lost in Medicine): https://a.co/d/b8vKVGj…

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The Hardest Gift to Give 5:03

2 years之前5:03

5:03

I went to medical school to secure my family's love. I found out what love really is while becoming a psychiatrist. And ultimately, I left medicine to put that love into practice. .... Get free access to Ryan's 7 Days of Aliveness course: https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/ Link to today's essay: https://fightmastermd.com/2024/05/09/the-hardest-gift-to-give/…

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A Lit Match Away from Internal Combustion 6:32

2 years之前6:32

6:32

Good days deceive. Bad days reveal. Thanks to my dad, I remembered the difference. ----more---- Essay link: https://fightmastermd.com/2024/05/02/a-lit-match-away-from-internal-combustion/ Get my free course Seven Days of Aliveness. Linked here: https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/

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The Betrayal, The Regret, The Wholeness: Deliverance by The Devil Wears Prada 4:42

2 years之前4:42

4:42

The only way to live a life without regrets is to have regrets. Regret is where our story starts... as I came to understand this week by watching The Devil Wears Prada. ----more---- Article Link: https://fightmastermd.com/2024/04/25/the-betrayal-the-regret-the-wholeness-deliverance-by-the-devil-wears-prada/ Newsletter Sign-up: https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/ YouTube Show: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEccYnOllS_gIJFQ7QCIkrw…

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Humbled by an Afternoon of Mystery 4:29

2 years之前4:29

4:29

Sometimes, I just simply do not know what's best for me. ----more---- Join my weekly newsletter community here . Read today's essay on my website here .

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Wield the Power of No 4:32

2 years之前4:32

4:32

I wasn't one for the jungle gym. I'm a kickball guy. I knew that once, it's just taken me awhile to remember it. ----more---- (Every Friday morning, I write an email of camaraderie, aimed at supporting you to build a life you love. If you'd like to join our community, you can sign up here and receive this week's email.) Essay Link: https://fightmastermd.com/2024/04/04/kickball-beats-the-jungle-gym/…

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The Cost of Admission 4:54

2 years之前4:54

4:54

To play the game, the battle to figure out who we are, we have to pay the cost of admission. House rules. ----more---- Read this essay: https://fightmastermd.com/2024/03/21/before-i-learned-how-much-i-needed-to-change/ Visit my website: https://fightmastermd.com/ Join my newsletter: https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/…

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Before I Learned How Much I Needed to Change 4:37

2 years之前4:37

4:37

"Fighty, we're all on the road back to who we were in high school." ----more---- Along with the wrong lessons, I lived out a few of the right ones too. My first book is a summary of all 32 of those lessons, available now on Amazon .

Fightmaster MD Audio

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Sensing, Before Seeing, the Destination 4:36

2 years之前4:36

4:36

To get where I want to go, some things cannot be sacrificed, like the present. ----more---- Every Friday morning, I send an email from the trenches, where I'm working to build a life I love. If you'd like camaraderie on your own journey, follow this link to join our community.

Fightmaster MD Audio

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Give Me Risk, or Give Me Death 3:17

2 years之前3:17

3:17

The biscuit tastes like shit without a dash of risk. ----more---- Every Friday morning, I send out an email, seeking camaraderie on the trail to a life we love. If you’d like join me, sign up here .

Fightmaster MD Audio

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Where the Story Starts 3:59

2 years之前3:59

3:59

With a story at our back, we take a step into the dark and write our own. You can read the full text essay on my website, here . You can join my weekly newsletter community here .

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'No Trespassing' 3:17

2 years之前3:17

3:17

When you're no longer interested in looking back, it's time to stake something in the ground. Each Friday, I send a weekly email of support to those trying to build a life they love. If you want in our community, you can sign up here .

Fightmaster MD Audio

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In the Truthful Places 5:09

2 years之前5:09

5:09

Over nine years, I learned the implication of unrequited pride: in the truthful places. ... On Amazon and Kindle, get my first book for $2.99 (a limited-time sale) . Thank you to everyone who's supported the book's launch. Let's keep livin' a life we love.

Fightmaster MD Audio

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A Lesson in Astrocartography 7:34

2 years之前7:34

7:34

There are some things, once compromised, that the health food store's promises can't even keep alive. _________________ Now available on Kindle, you can purchase my first book 32 Lessons from 8 Years Lost in Medicine . For all the support since its launch, I cannot thank everyone enough. Let's keep on livin' a life we love.…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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I'd Rather Be Tired Than Asleep 4:51

2 years之前4:51

4:51

Snoozing is harmless. Everyone snoozes, I thought to myself, when I chose to snooze today. After all, it's only nine minutes. But nine minutes matters. Ask my throbbing ankle. ------------ My first book, 32 Lessons from 8 Years Lost in Medicine , just published on Amazon. If you’d like a copy of the e-book, here’s a link to purchase.…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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The Planet Fitness Portal Opens 4:46

2 years之前4:46

4:46

I don't always know why I'm doing things. If it feels right, I try to trust the process. But on Monday, after an episode of inverse déjà vu, I knew precisely why I did what I'd done: 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨. ( I recently published my new book 32 Lessons from 8 Years Lost in Medicine . If you’d like to a copy, here’s a link to purchase the e-book.)…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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Hello... Happiness? Is that You? 3:22

2 years之前3:22

3:22

I exercised. I slept. I hung out with friends. I meditated. And yes, I was happy. But something was missing. I always knew it. Last week, I published my new book 32 Lessons from 8 Years Lost in Medicine . If you’d like to a copy, here’s a link to purchase the e-book.

Fightmaster MD Audio

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If It’s Reasonable, It’s A Lie 3:23

2 years之前3:23

3:23

There comes a point where one must be unreasonable. You have no choice. This week, my new book 32 Lessons from 8 Years Lost in Medicine released on Amazon. If you'd like to buy a copy, here's a link. Link to this week's essay: https://fightmastermd.com/2024/01/11/if-its-reasonable-its-a-lie/

Fightmaster MD Audio

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The Treacherous Trail to Asheville 7:02

2 years之前7:02

7:02

People ask my wife and I why we moved to Asheville. Often, we haven’t had an explanation other than it felt right. Often, I've thought we’re kinda crazy. But last night, I felt a little less crazy and a little more alive, knowing that there in a shed while picking up furniture I couldn't wait to get to work on , my mountain biking stoke had survived to the other side, alive and well in Asheville. Join my free weekly email and join me in building a life you love. (Link: https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/ )…

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”Ryan, You Sure Have It All Figured Out, Huh? 6:00

2 years之前6:00

6:00

It only took me eight years to figure out a back-handed compliment ----more---- Until December 31st, I’m sending free copies of my book to anyone who signs up for my newsletter. You can join my community here and get your book today.

Fightmaster MD Audio

1
My Reckoning With a Lost Decade 4:29

2 years之前4:29

4:29

Don’t worry about me, I have no strip clubbing to purge from my system, no “legs and eggs” brunches calling my name; but I do own another desire, one I neglected a decade ago, that I reckon with now as I start a different career. Until December 31st, I’m sending free copies of my book to anyone who signs up for my newsletter. You can join my community here and get your book today.…

Fightmaster MD Audio

1
Two Sides of the Same Delusion 4:42

2 years之前4:42

4:42

Seriously, you’re trying to make $50 off a coffee table? You have $200,000 in student loans! Wake the hell up! This isn’t going anywhere! For a limited time, I’m sending free copies of my first book to anyone who signs up for my newsletter. You can join my community here , and get your book today.

Fightmaster MD Audio

1
One Night of Karaoke Deliverance 5:12

2 years之前5:12

5:12

I don’t fashion myself a singer. But for this one night, last Wednesday night, I had to sing. Why? I have no idea, but I was compelled by something within that had to know. For a limited time, I’m sending free copies of my first book to anyone who signs up for my newsletter. You can join my community here , and get your book today.…

Fightmaster MD Audio

1
Life in the Land of Consequence 4:49

2 years之前4:49

4:49

If I had to guess, I'd be this is adulthood. ----more---- For a limited time, I’m sending free copies of my first book to anyone who signs up for my newsletter. You can join my community here , and get your book today.

Fightmaster MD Audio

1
How Can I Live If I’m Not ”Good At Everything”? 5:16

2 years之前5:16

5:16

It’s an interesting season of life, this one. And often, I ask myself this question. Some days, I can bear myself with grace. Other days, I crucify myself for not being good enough, wondering if I should pull the pin and get back to something I’m better at. How I live out this question, in this season, will determine if I can the avoid the familiar trap of being "good at everything” for the rest of my life. ----more---- For a limited time, I’m sending free copies of my first book to anyone who signs up for my newsletter. You can join my community here , and get your book today.…

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1
Escaping a Cold Prison of My Own Making 3:44

2 years之前3:44

3:44

Sometimes, to learn a lesson, I deserve to get locked out of the house. On the coldest day of the year. For a limited time, I’m giving away free copies of my first book to anyone who signs up for my newsletter. You can join our community here , where we work to create a life we love waking up to, every day.…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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Lay With Gators to Live With Gravitas 4:21

2 years之前4:21

4:21

Just this week, trekking on, I look down and see my boots are dry. No more cypresses, only pines, and trails fork in all directions. And all I see is meaningful work, swamped no more. This week I published my first book. For a limited time, I’m giving away free copies to anyone who signs up for my newsletter, here .…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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The Peril and Promise of a Rolled-Down Window 6:21

2 years之前6:21

6:21

Life won't let you see what you're not ready to understand, until you can bear it. And this week, life gave me one of those views when I needed it most. This week I published my first book. For a limited time, I'm giving away free copies to anyone who signs up for my newsletter. Join here , and I'll email you a copy.…

Fightmaster MD Audio

1
The Truth in A Thousand Yard Stare 5:12

2 years之前5:12

5:12

I recently devoured The House of God. What a book, outlining the fictional intern year of Dr. Roy G. Basch, which makes one think about the empty promises of medicine. It makes one wonder if it was worth it. ----more---- From a life I was not, I learned who I was and learned 32 lessons I’ll never forget. Get my free e-book outlining each lesson, HERE.…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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If No One Sees the Leaves Drop, Is It Really Fall? 4:45

2 years之前4:45

4:45

Third year of medical school, on internal medicine, in October, I peered from a window and knew I was no longer a part of things. I wanted fall to be over, so I could find some future salvation where I’d once again know the seasons. By being 𝘪𝘯 the season. This week, I tell of my life now, through another window, back in the middle of fall, wanting it all to slow down. ----more---- From a life I was not, I learned who I was and learned 32 lessons I’ll never forget. Get my free e-book outlining each lesson, HERE.…

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Home Is Where The Dark Is 5:50

2 years之前5:50

5:50

But there, sipping my coffee as I watched the still early morning saltwater, I realized every single second was meaningful. Orange County was never dead. I was never dead. If anything, the place brought me back to life. From eight years of inauthenticity, I learned 32 lessons I’ll never forget. Get the whole list today by joining my weekly newsletter, HERE.…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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Get the Fork Out of the Garbage Disposal 8:50

2 years之前8:50

8:50

It's really not complicated. When you sacrifice who you are... you lose what you love. House rules. Here's how I got 𝙞𝙩 back. ----more---- From eight years of inauthenticity, I learned 32 lessons I’ll never forget. Get the whole list today by joining my weekly newsletter, HERE.

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The Only Thing Better Than Sex (Maybe) 5:29

2 years之前5:29

5:29

I expected victory—sure, we’re the University of Oklahoma—but existential questions I did not expect. Then, I watched this epiphanizing play. Link to the full article ----more---- From eight years of inauthenticity, I learned 32 lessons I’ll never forget. Get the whole list today by joining my weekly newsletter, HERE.…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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Surviving a 12 Round Backyard Fight to the Death 6:59

2 years之前6:59

6:59

A younger me would have picked up compromise's call. Today, I called bullshit, letting it ring off the hook. ... From eight years of inauthenticity, I learned 32 lessons I’ll never forget. Get the whole list today by joining my weekly newsletter, HERE.

Fightmaster MD Audio

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You Can Take the Man Out of Medicine 4:34

2 years之前4:34

4:34

But it takes time to take the medicine out of the man. Joy wasn't found in leaving. Joy wasn't found a year after leaving. Joy was found in choosing. If we let past conditioning own our lives, it'll never let go. But this week, a window opened, and I chose my way out. ... From eight years of inauthenticity, I learned 32 lessons I’ll never forget. Get the whole list today by joining my weekly newsletter, HERE.…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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The Secret Sauce Of A Great Burger 5:19

2 years之前5:19

5:19

“You can always leave,” Bryce said, piercing eyes shifting from players to me, “because man, life’s too short to get stuck doing shit you hate.” ... From eight years of inauthenticity, I learned 32 lessons I'll never forget. Get the whole list today by joining my weekly newsletter, here.

Fightmaster MD Audio

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What’s Your Life Built Upon? (It Kinda Matters) 5:27

2 years之前5:27

5:27

I once owned a good-looking home, constructed with attention and dedication, but the foundation was questionable, and it sunk right into the hole from which it came. Join my weekly newsletter and receive my list of "32 Truths Earned on the Path to Wholeness" ( https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/ )

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Fighting for the Most Sacred Thing We Have 5:56

2 years之前5:56

5:56

I meditated more. I was "present" more. I kept a gratitude list. And none of it helped, until I restored what mattered most. What was I really missing all those years? Join my free weekly newsletter for advice at building a life you love ( https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/ )

Fightmaster MD Audio

1
The ”Best of Both Worlds” Is No World For Me 5:13

2 years之前5:13

5:13

To be tempted by the “best of both worlds” makes us human. To give it up makes us who we are. Working part-time, in the chillest job of all-time, finally spelled my exit from medicine (and sparked my deliverance). Sign up for my weekly newsletter for perspective on owning a life you love ( Https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/ )…

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This Is Harder Than I Thought (Thankfully) 5:07

2 years之前5:07

5:07

When I left medicine, it was only the beginning. Get my list of '32 Truths' by joining my free weekly newsletter: https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/

Fightmaster MD Audio

1
Five Hard Lessons in Two Cross-Country Moves (This Year) 8:03

2 years之前8:03

8:03

This move was objectively harder. Longer. More expensive. But that’s the difference; when you want it, you can suffer more. Join my weekly, free newsletter for perspective on how to own a life you love waking up to each day ( https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/ )

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1
A Headhunter’s Offer (And Chicken Exit for the Soul) 5:00

2 years之前5:00

5:00

Good morning Dr. Fightmaster. My name is XXXXX, the provider recruiter for Napa County. I wanted to connect to see if you’d be interested in a position. Please give me a call/text back to discuss. One week ago, I reflexively snoozed my alarm but before my pillow fused back to my head, this message snared me. I opened the text and scanned with interest. Unlike previous headhunter inquires—customarily deleted on receipt—a small, definitely still there, part of me perked at permanent employment’s salvation. The text registered with my complacent—willing to settle and sell out—part that aches for easy. The text was a piping cup of tea after six months in the wilderness. The text was an urgent call from comfort . Join my free weekly newsletter (https://fightmastermd. com/newsletter/) where I work to help you build a life you love. If you join now, I'll send you a list of 32 Truths Earned on my way to wholeness.…

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What I Must Never Forget (And Why It’s Tattooed on My Forearm) 6:24

3 years之前6:24

6:24

When I went to medical school, it’s not that I’d chosen death; I’d chosen nothing . I thought I could ride the fence and have it all: acceptance, accomplishment, and happiness . Only, I failed to understand that the absence of choice is still choice. Because the clock ain’t stopping. At the end of residency, I knew it was true and hoped to never forget it. Join my newsletter at https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/…

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1
Why I Became A Psychiatrist (Really) 5:59

3 years之前5:59

5:59

In the process of becoming a therapist, treating depression and anxiety, and learning how to manage psychosis, that would have to iron out my shit. 𝙍𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩? ---- Join my newsletter (https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter) and get my FREE '32 Truths Earned on the Road to Wholeness after Medicine'. ABOUT RYAN FIGHTMASTER MD: I'm a board-certified psychiatrist that left medicine in the fall of 2022 to build a life I love and want. I write, surf, and refurbish furniture because... it's what I enjoy. Sharing my journey at https://FightmasterMD.com. I graduated medical school at the University of Oklahoma and psychiatry residency at the University of California, Irvine. I previously worked for HealthCorps, where I built a health program for high school students and appeared on the Dr. Oz show. CONTACT: You can get in touch with me via Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/fight_the_md/…

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To Leave California, I Had to Love It First 7:24

3 years之前7:24

7:24

Can’t find the exact quote but Matthew McConaughey wrote something in Greenlights along these lines: you can only leave a place once you’ve known you can live there forever. I’ll fess up, not sure I got that far with California, but I got close. Receive my '32 Truths Earned on the Road to Wholeness' today when you join my newsletter ( https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter/ ).…

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1
Why I Stopped Being Vegan (Because I Wanted to Be Myself) 13:12

3 years之前13:12

13:12

I adopted a vegan diet in the spring of 2013. I was twenty-four years old and needed it, for many reasons. It was a five-year, cherished season that defined my identity, until it stood between me and myself—all told, me and life after medicine. If you’re already poking fun at the gravity in my tone and readying your vegan jokes, get your popcorn ready. Join my newsletter (https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter) and get my FREE 'Fractured to Whole: 32 Truths I've Come to Know' while building a life loved after medicine.…

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Life Begins When You Get Off the Treadmill 3:59

3 years之前3:59

3:59

As I stared out across a medicine career, I saw the same scenery; a never-ending gauntlet of patient care, charting, and billing, without change, which for me, was not what I wanted . Something was clear: this treadmill will run forever and only stop, if I get off. I am the only person who can stop it. Join my newsletter ( https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter ) and get my FREE '32 Truths Earned on the Road to Wholeness'.…

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If I Never Wanted to Be a Doctor, What Did (Do) I Want? 3:38

3 years之前3:38

3:38

Knowing I never wanted to be a doctor—eight years of evidence in the rearview—I must have wanted something, instead. It’s Newtonian; every action creates an equal and opposition reaction. Something pressed against medicine... what was it? Join my newsletter ( https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter ) and get my FREE '32 Truths Earned on the Road to Wholeness'.…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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Who Am I Doing This For? 3:32

3 years之前3:32

3:32

I do it for those haunted by a daring dream, who believe there’s more to life than making money and building a reputation. Join my newsletter ( https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter ) and get my FREE 'Fractured to Whole: 32 Truths I've Come to Know' while building a life love after medicine.

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1
”Everyone Deserves A Chance To Do What They Want” 5:34

3 years之前5:34

5:34

But to really seize that chance, I've learned you how to earn your wants. Join my newsletter ( https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter ) and get my FREE 'Fractured to Whole: 32 Truths I've Come to Know'.

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One Year to the Day, I Reflect on the Morning My Life Changed 5:06

3 years之前5:06

5:06

One year ago today, I began. It wasn’t this website, but it was something, anything. I had to do something. Tired of the charade and sick of waiting, life or death hinged on March 20th, 2022’s actions. Dramatic? Certainly. Necessary? Beyond. Join my newsletter ( https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter ) and get my FREE 'Fractured to Whole: 32 Truths I've Come to Know'.…

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How To Choose Happiness When It’s Not What You’ve Lived 4:23

3 years之前4:23

4:23

Life was war these last eight years. Acceptance to medical school, grinding through exams, and graduating from residency were all proxy conflicts; the true battle pitted me against fear. The territory in question was wholeness. When I resigned from medicine, I figured the war would be over, that fear would surrender and providence would be mine. How mistaken I was. ____________________________________________________________ Join my newsletter (https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter) and get my FREE 'Fractured to Whole: 32 Truths I've Come to Know'.…

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When It Rains, It Implores (How To Survive Any Storm) 2:49

3 years之前2:49

2:49

My life during medical school and residency paralleled Santa Barbara’s 2023 forecast; I expected rain, got used to rain, and if it weren’t for a previous season, I may have accepted an overcast fate. Join my newsletter ( https://fightmastermd.com/newsletter ) and get my FREE 'Fractured to Whole: 32 Truths I've Come to Know'. ABOUT RYAN FIGHTMASTER: I'm a board-certified psychiatrist that left medicine in the fall of 2022 to build a life I love and want. I write, surf, and refurbish furniture because... it's what I enjoy. I share my journey at FightmasterMD.com. I graduated medical school at the University of Oklahoma and psychiatry residency at the University of California, Irvine. I previously worked for HealthCorps, where I built a health program for high school students and appeared on the Dr. Oz show. CONTACT: You can get in touch with me via Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/fight_the_md/…

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Fear and Soul Play A Game of Poker (aka The Last 8 Years of My Life) 3:25

3 years之前3:25

3:25

Can’t say I gamble much though, I prescribe to the don’t gamble anything you can’t afford to lose mantra . I’ve dabbled at tables and slots, but I’m too left-brained to ignore the odds. I love sports too much to bet on it, seems a sac religious act. Still, gambling is a story I get— stakes and pots, calls and folds, all-in’s and gone busts—because once upon a time, I refused to go all-in and still went bust.…

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The Vice and Virtue of Being the Nice Guy 4:55

3 years之前4:55

4:55

“That Ryan Fightmaster, he’s such a nice kid.” “That Dr. Fightmaster, he’s just so nice.” I built my life upon these comments. I sung a tune targeting those praises. Being the nice guy was my compass, goalpost, and doctrine, until it almost cost me... me .

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An Uncomfortable Reality—I Needed Those Depressions 6:04

3 years之前6:04

6:04

I made it 28 years before my first depression. It was a good run. Darkness descended spring semester of my third year of medical school, the hardest year by my count. Timing-wise, it was paradoxical. I had just aced our first board exam (Step 1)—scoring in the 90th percentile—meaning I had a chance at landing a residency coast to coast. My grades were beaming, recording more honors designations than not. During the fall, I’d even appeared on the Dr. Oz show discussing teen mental health based on my work in HealthCorps. I was “on my way”. None of that held sway internally, where a divergent narrative took shape: I was losing who I was.…

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The Gift of Leaving Medicine (I Got My Life Back) 3:07

3 years之前3:07

3:07

The current of my life outside the ocean was a different force. I used to yawn all… the… time. I needed a perpetual nap. I hated getting up early. One missed night of sleep threw my existence into disorder. The current was strong. For most of med school and residency, my life was tinted with a begrudging tone. Just to be okay every day, to fight that current of medicine and get back to my spot, it required relentless battling. At first surmountable, I could refill the tank on the mountain bike trail or a weekend of camping, but as the stake got higher and higher, I couldn’t paddle anymore and got pushed where it cared take me. If you’re looking for a recipe for depression or a mid-life crisis, look no further.…

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So… What’s Next for Me? 3:23

3 years之前3:23

3:23

This one’s more of a journal entry—not a knowing but a figuring—because the truth is this: I don’t know what’s next.

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What I Know About Regrets 3:47

3 years之前3:47

3:47

“Ask yourself”, my ninth-grade football coach called through the evening roar of early autumn secadas, “Have I emptied the tank today?” He’d ask the question with one “gasser” left in the conditioning portion of practice; sun already set, us already spent. The whistle would shrill, and I’d give it everything I had for the next thirty seconds, almost blacking out upon crossing the finish sideline, scared to death at not emptying the tank. Why? Our coach would always ask us afterward, not punitively but curiously, “So, did you really empty the tank today?” I always knew . Some days I had, and the peace was amazing. Other days I hadn’t, and it haunted me, until I vanquished it at the next chance to empty the tank. It was regret.…

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Would I Still Go to Medical School? 3:08

3 years之前3:08

3:08

Last week a reader commented on one of my articles, asking: If you could go back to the few months before starting medical school, with what you know now, would you still do it? While considering the question, I found myself back in the turmoil of that mid-twenties time, where I was drowning in ambivalence and confusion, strung out across a war zone of individuation.…

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Anxiety’s Surprising (And Unlocking) Opposite 4:26

3 years之前4:26

4:26

Take a scroll through social media’s mental health offerings, and you’ll see advice centered around how to control your thinking, likely inspired by cognitive behavioral therapy’s ascent to domination in the therapy world. But, there’s a distinction worth noting: we cannot control our thoughts . Yes, we can reframe our thoughts and test cognitive distortions—an invaluable practice—but the original thought is out of our purview.…

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A Letter To My 25-Year-Old Self 5:09

3 years之前5:09

5:09

I can’t go back, but I remember . I do not wish to be 25 again—changing the past is a drug I’ve kicked—but I wish to make amends with that part of me that lost what I again hold now: hope . I write this letter for delivery during the summer of 2014.

Fightmaster MD Audio

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What Surfing Couldn’t Cure (Me) 5:09

3 years之前5:09

5:09

Surfing was the vanguard of my soul. It stood in opposition to medicine’s capitulations. It was my last stand… and it wasn’t enough.

Fightmaster MD Audio

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Are You Burned Out Or On The Wrong Path? 4:11

3 years之前4:11

4:11

Two weeks ago, I was asked an intriguing question: “What’s the difference between being burned out or being on the wrong path?” I received the question from a reader after sending out a newsletter . Context was provided; her husband was a physician, and she noticed his colleagues’ lack of enjoyment in medicine. They were no longer energized by their work. “What gives?”, she wondered. All I can proffer are the subtleties understood while living in both distinctions, in many places, across years.…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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Why I Stayed (What I Loved As A Physician) 2:53

3 years之前2:53

2:53

I resigned Thursday September 22nd, 2022. After a ten-minute walk to the post office, I dropped the envelope in the metal box and meandered home, wondering, Did I really just do that? The response from within was immediate: I did and it was time. Emotion descended from the mountain tops; gratitude and grief consumed. A part of me had wanted to walk away, get off the train tracks, and out of the woods, for eight years; it finally happened…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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The 3 Reasons People Go to Medical School… And My Reason 5:06

3 years之前5:06

5:06

“People go to medical school for one of three reasons: altruism, power, or money”, he declared, with a certain boldness. The room was silent; we were gathering which defined our motivation. Weren’t we all altruistic?

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The Art of Churning (How I Made The Leap Out of Medicine) 5:37

3 years之前5:37

5:37

Our life is a ship, sailing through the seas of experience. When we make a decision of consequence, our mind creates a parallel “other ship” sailing alongside—a means to keep alive our “what if”s and “could’ve been”s. No matter where we sail, if in fractured living, the “other ship” follows.

Fightmaster MD Audio

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The Best BS Detector Money Can Buy: The Bar Introduction Test 3:20

3 years之前3:20

3:20

Ever wonder if you’re on the right path? Deep down you know , like we all do, but if you need extra convincing, try out my go-to tuner of convictions: The Bar Introduction Test.

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Fractured Living—The Cost of Taking the Road More Traveled 5:25

3 years之前5:25

5:25

I went to medical school on a faulty assumption: even though I didn’t want to do it, I could do it and still be happy. Spitting at Robert Frost’s counsel , I took the road more traveled, and indeed, it made all the difference.

Fightmaster MD Audio

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The Real Reason I Left Medicine 3:41

3 years之前3:41

3:41

I get it; leaving a career that offers the security of a six figure paycheck is mystifying. At this mystification, my friends and family have tried to guess why I left, to understand why someone would exit an eight-year, $250,000 investment.

Fightmaster MD Audio

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My Sage and Mentor—A Squirrel with No Tail Modeled My Dreams 4:32

3 years之前4:32

4:32

Back in the fall of 2021, l was cloaked in low-grade misery. I had run the medicine horse to death, searched the landscape over, and the prospect of fulfillment was nil, based on seven and a half years of experience. Some hear this and are bound to wonder, as I rationalized for most of a decade, “How could you resent being a physician? What an honor.” I do not resent being a physician, undergoing the training, or finishing residency. Medicine is a beautiful profession and absolutely the right career choice for many. What I resented was myself, for not going after what I wanted, which was something other than medicine. There was shame in that, which produced inaction and a relentless pouring over the past for answers. This is where I found myself, back in the fall of 2021. Not seeking ways to improve my situation, I was interested in locating means to change the past and methods to numb the present. But, I was growing tired of the charade. Something had to be done.…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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A Game of Softball Led Me Out of Medicine 5:19

3 years之前5:19

5:19

Competition is critical ; not for the ego-notched victories but for the learning opportunities . The insights made available through sport are not as clear in our day-to-day, but once we’ve felt it in competition, we get to take it back to the day-to-day. Thank God for adult rec league softball, because I needed an insight.…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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A Report from the After-Medicine Wilderness 2:21

3 years之前2:21

2:21

How is this whole leaving medicine thing going? I often worry about how to make enough money. I wonder if I can figure this out. I doubt myself, ponder if I made a mistake. Fear pulses shake me from sleep, followed by flashes of relief when I consider a return to medicine, which would keep the lights on and pay the student loans numbering in the hundreds of thousands. There’s security. There’s certainty. It’s something akin to a warm blanket on a cold night in the woods. For a long time, accepting that blanket was instinct. Second nature.…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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When You’re Stuck, Do This 4:46

3 years之前4:46

4:46

A year ago I realized the gig was up . Was I going to quit medicine then? No chance, but the sinking realization was slowly becoming objective reality: this isn’t going to work. I’d seen enough to know. If I were to live a happy and purposeful life, I had to do something else and figure it out soon. But where should I start?…

Fightmaster MD Audio

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The Song That Changed A Season 3:51

3 years之前3:51

3:51

My life has its own seasonality: harvests, barrenness, sprouts, and growth. This personal winter had been hard to shake. But decisively, a moment arrived, where I knew there was no need to keep the faucets dripping.

Fightmaster MD Audio

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How I Survived 8 Years of Something Not Wanted 7:18

3 years之前7:18

7:18

If you’ve made it this far with me, you’ve probably asked yourself, “How did he do this for so long?” To go to medical school, finish a residency, and become a psychiatrist, this guy must be crazy!

Fightmaster MD Audio

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When It Finally Gets Better 3:22

3 years之前3:22

3:22

Understanding myself first, then building from there, was always the answer and the hardest work to do, because it required I forego the rescue fantasy. No epiphanies were coming, no perfect paths forward, just a distilling of what matters to me and making choices.

Fightmaster MD Audio

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Why I’m Leaving Medicine 2:07

3 years之前2:07