Not At All Like The Movies

Addicted to Recovery: The Interactive Memoir

My first rehab was awful. Often, when I externalized my misery in one way or another, I can look back and say, naw, well, that was really more of a me thing. Yet with this rehab, I look back and still think it was awful.
Was I miserable the whole time? Absolutely. Was I also sober the whole time? Yup. For many of the residents there being in portage meant they weren’t on the streets, they were away from abusive relationships, they were out of prison, and many, probably, just not DEAD, and that’s not trivial, and many of my objections were, in perspective, kind of trivial. Maybe all the ways it was a bad fit for me are exactly the ways it was just what someone else needed.

Not everyone gets 12 plus shots at recovery like I did. Many people don’t even get one. So if you’re in a place that isn’t helping, or a program of recovery that doesn’t resonate with you, or a community that makes you feel bad, there’s no harm in investigating the other options.
My misery was partially due to my skewed expectations. I’d romantically assumed that rehab was a delightful teahouse of tortured artists, who would gather their heavy hearts together debating existentialist philosophy and comparing poetry. I’d constructed a vision of a kind of creative retreat, surrounded by people like the ones who wrote the addiction and mental illness memoirs I so cherished, that we’d be huddled together on a couch near a fireplace after curfew because we MUST, we absolutely MUST continue our esoteric forays into the deep cellars of the soul.

My illusions were quite viciously shattered.
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Thanks to Bensound.com for the intro and outro music
Here is a list of suicide crisis hotlines by country:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
Here are links to support groups with an online presence that can be vital in recovery:
For a comprehensive list of 12 Step Meetings:
https://12step.org/social/online-meetings
Smart Recovery:
https://www.smartrecovery.org/community
Refuge Recovery
https://www.refugerecovery.org

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