Attentive Listening

愛、生活、人生系列

傾聽很重要，但不是你保持沉默，就代表正在傾聽。許多人都需要被傾聽，他們想要知道和了解，對方聽完之後的觀點或感覺。如果你是一位想改變與人關係的人，你會願意冒險，試著打破過去既定的人際關係偏見，願意嘗試走出自己的保護塔，接觸及認識這個未知的世界，那麼你眞正要做的是，就是要勇敢地去發現和體驗，不帶著自己的預設立場，寫下自己的腳本。任何好的人際關係，之所以能夠建立，在於它能連結對方的心思和心情，也就是讓對方能感受到一種不斷裂、不被忽視、不困窘的尊重感。因為你對生命的愼重以待，人們會感受到這種被好好對待的心意。
我們在走出自己的保護塔的過程中，必然會看見，除了我以外，還有更大的世界。開闊自己的視野，看見不同的世界、不同的人，是重要的歷程。在生命的旅程中，我們會遇見各種形形色色的人，我們要做的事，是提升我們的好奇心與興趣，聆聽及閱讀別人的生命展現和閱歷。我們之所以會那麼的焦慮不安，就是因為我們太執著於自己的表現，聚焦在自己身上，才會造成自己的緊張和不安。如果能好好地觀察及熟悉別人，那麼專注在別人的你，會降低無意識的焦慮。
我們很想掌握，也很想擁有，於是，失落和挫折就無情地打擊我們。如果，我們能接受、接納我們會遇到的當下，無關好壞對錯，都是一種情況，一種我們需要歷練和經驗的情況，然後，試著安穩走在自己的路上，走好自己的步伐，學習及面對自己的學習，那麼，所有的情況，都是我們可以認識自己的過程，也是啟發與啟動內在自我的過程。
當我們聽人在說話，或正在表達什麼時，聽他話語的內容，同時觀察他的面容神情，還有他的姿勢和手勢，試著去理解或感受他的狀態。觀察及聆聽他人的表達，也能幫助我們更多地觀察自己。如此，內外的世界，就能更加開展。我們也就能更深地認識別人，更深地認識自己。
良好的溝通是「聽」出來的。只是，到底該怎麼「聽」呢？
一、利用肢體語言，表達關心
善用肢體語言，可以幫助說話者感受到你的專注。有時候，多說無益，只要給予對方一個微笑，或適時的點頭，就能表達出內心的支持。當對方在跟你說話時，記得停下手邊的事情，免得變成單向溝通。把自己想成是一個杯子，接納對方所說的話。記得雙手不要抱在胸前，可以自然地放在膝蓋上。上半身微微向對方前傾，讓對方感受到你有想多了解他。記得要注視說話者，讓對方感到尊重。保持身體輕鬆自然。
二、用簡短的回應，引導對方多說話
對於朋友向你傾訴的煩惱，你或許會覺得，身為好朋友，就應該設法幫上忙。但是，一個好的傾聽者，會相信對方有能力，為自己的生命負責。所以，你該扮演的角色，應該是「鼓勵對方多說話」的聽眾，讓對方從梳理自己的思緒當中，「自己解決問題」，讓對方有自我成長的機會。但是，給予對方說話空間的同時，也要注意你的傾聽過程和回應，能讓對方感受到你的關心和支持。
三、摘要式的重點整理
當對方說完話後，你可以簡單扼要地，重複重點內容，一方面是確認自己是否理解正確，避免有誤解的地方，另一方面，則是要讓說話者能有被了解的溫暖感受。
四、發揮同理心，去傾聽對方的聲音
一段聆聽，是否能讓人感到溫暖，關鍵在於聽者能否走出自己的世界，去貼近對方現在經歷的各種情緒。若說話者對於「主管突然指派一堆工作」表達出無奈的心情，你身為一個傾聽者，若能站在對方的角度傾聽，給予正面回應，像是「這樣壓力真的很大，看來這陣子要辛苦一點了。」反而能讓對方有被理解、情感有被支持的感受。
五、謹慎地給予忠告
當說話者對於想要解決的問題，感到不知所措時，他需要的，並不是情緒上的支持或安慰，而是希望能尋求協助。此時，我們還是可以提供具體的建議給對方。開口講出建議前，你可以透過「你覺得我可以怎麼幫你呢？」「我能幫上什麼忙嗎？」「你會想聽聽看我的看法嗎？」等問句，來確認對方是否真的需要我們的忠告。
Listening is essential to our effectiveness as a speaker. To be an effective speaker, we have to take feedback from the audience and adjust our presentations according to what works most effectively for them. Listening is important because effective listening provides the information required to enable organizations to adapt and meet the changing needs of audiences. Good listening and skillful questioning give a powerful message to those with whom we interact. They hugely increase our capacity to influence, motivate, develop or serve people effectively. Listening and questioning are an inherent part of our fundamental interaction with people, and the major factors in the success of a good communicator. Good listening allows us to demonstrate that we are paying attention to the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of others. In other words, listening is crucial to maintaining productive relationships, and is the only way to establish communication with people.
Listening, on the other hand, is purposeful and focused rather than accidental. As a result, it requires motivation and effort. Listening, at its best, is the active, focused, concentrated attention for the purpose of understanding the meanings expressed by the speaker.
Listening should not be taken for granted. Before the invention of writing, people conveyed virtually all knowledge through some combination of showing and telling. Elders recited tribal histories to attentive audiences. Listeners received religious teachings enthusiastically. Myths, legends, folktales, and stories for entertainment survived only because audiences were eager to listen. Nowadays, however, we can gain information and entertainment through reading and electronic recordings rather than through real-time listening. Despite that fact, we can still gain benefits by becoming more active and competent at real-time listening. When we focus on the material presented in a classroom, we will be able to identify not only the words used in a lecture but their emphasis and their complex meanings. We will take better notes, and we will more accurately remember the instructor’s claims, information, and conclusions. In many times, instructors give verbal cues about what information is important, specific expectations about assignments, and even what material is likely to be on an exam. Therefore, careful listening can be beneficial for all of them. When we give our best attention to people expressing thoughts and experiences that are important to them, those individuals are likely to see us as someone who cares about their well-being. When we listen well to others, we reveal ourselves as being curious and interested in people and events. In addition, our ability to understand the meanings of what we hear will make us a more knowledgeable and thoughtful person. When we listen well to others, we start to pick up more on the stylistic components related to how people form arguments and present information. As a result, we cultivate the ability to analyze what we see and think. Listening attentively really helps us to comprehend others’ ideas and opinions effectively. Later on, we can use them to apply for many trivial things in our daily life.

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