The Session: Dating in the Digital Age-2

The Session with Tom Russell

Scott and Tom were surprised this topic went two weeks. But it's Tom and Scott, so you never know. This week, the guys get down into surviving dating in the digital age, whether you are just starting dating, or getting back into dating after several years.

The Session: Dating Etiquette in a Digital Age by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin, Focus on the Family, from Oct., 2023

Texting and online messaging are convenient, but can breed bad habits when it comes to dating.

When I (Suzanne) was first getting to know my husband, Kevin, texting played a big role in our relationship. In fact, it was so critical to the early development of our friendship that I included some of our early text messages in our wedding slideshow. Nowadays, texting and in-app messaging play an even larger role in how relationships form and progress.

We use digital communication for everything from checking in with our parents to shooting a message to the DoorDash guy delivering our burrito. It’s incredibly convenient, but can also be a landmine of bad behaviors when conducting a romantic relationship.

In my case, my frequent texting with Kevin fueled the interest we already shared. But our relationship also consisted of lots of in-person time spent together. Messaging was a tool to continue the conversation when we had other things going on, and it enhanced our real-life relationship. We texted for about a month before we began dating, and our texting habit continues nearly 14 years into marriage.

Avoid virtual pitfalls

While digital communication can be an asset to a relationship by allowing a budding friendship to develop quickly, messaging has its downsides. Consider the following three texting faux pas:

Breadcrumbing. This practice refers to an individual sending out flirtatious messages — “breadcrumbs” — to gain someone’s affections without any intention of committing. According to one psychologist:

“Breadcrumbing ‘is leading someone on romantically using online or electronic forums (think: social media or texting) to keep someone’s interest in you, even if you never intend to become romantically involved with them.’ It’s essentially an emotionally manipulative tactic designed to make someone dependent on you (or vice versa, depending on the relationship dynamic).”

If someone seems less invested in getting together than you are, is “hot and cold” in the relationship, or you’re confused about whether you’re just friends or something more, he or she may fit this category. I have even experienced this in female friendships. A healthy boundary is to refuse to participate in “picking up the crumbs” and then distance yourself from the breadcrumber, who is not behaving as a true friend.

Matthew 5:37 delivers a simple reprimand for this type of behavior when it says, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.” Breadcrumbing is an insincere form of communication that takes advantage of the other person by misleading them. Instead of dropping crumbs, be honest in your communications and create clear boundaries if necessary.

Ghosting. Many a single has been affected by this toxic texting trait. You’re having what feels like a great conversation with someone when suddenly communication ceases {insert cricket noises}. According to one study, nearly 25 percent of men and women reported having been ghosted in a romantic relationship, and 22 percent admitted they had ghosted someone else. The idea of abruptly ending communication isn’t n

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.