[BONUS] Is there something wrong with me for not wanting physical contact?

Why Does My Partner

For this final episode of our bonus series on boundaries, our listener question is about struggling to say no to physical touch from their partner when they don’t feel like it, and wondering “is there something wrong with me when I want space?”

No, dear listener, there’s nothing wrong with you, and that goes for anyone listening who’s ever felt the same. It’s okay to want space sometimes, it’s okay to express what kind of touch does or doesn’t feel good to you, and more than anything, it’s ok to talk about these things.

So many of us have come from homes and cultures where we were never taught how to say no or have had experiences where we wanted to say no and couldn’t. When that history gets carried into our relationships, it can show up as unspoken feelings, resentment, and shame that gets in the way of having those open conversations that make sure there is real, enthusiastic consent.

We’re so glad that you’ve stuck with us through this extra-special bonus series, and we hope that in listening, you’re inspired to explore your own boundaries with compassion, and bravery. We also hope that we’ve inspired you to get you’re on copy of Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected, and Empowered, written by our very own Jules Shore! It’s available now for pre-order, and if you liked what you’ve heard here, we just know you’re going to love this too.

Finally, we’d like to leave you with Andrea Gibson poem that Rebecca quotes in the episode:

let your

heart break

so your spirit

doesn’t.

Quotes:

You live in your body and you’re the only one who can say what feels okay and not okay for your body. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you for saying no.

You don’t get to set boundaries and not disappoint people. That’s not a thing.

Everyone assumes disappointment is bad…what if it’s not?

Disappointment sucks…but it’s not useless.

Say yes to disappointment, not because it’s good or bad, but because it’s part of life.

This episode is brought to you by Therapy Wisdom.

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