285 How to Heal from the Scars of Childhood Prejudice

Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Episode Summary:

This week’s guest on the Sacred Scar Story Series, Barb Roose, faced prejudice from early childhood. This led to her believing she was never enough and compensating by trying to “outperform her race.” She shares her story, and how she found healing, and God’s peace.

Quotables from the episode:

• I love the message that God can use all things because when we’re in deep pain, that’s the opposite of what we’re thinking: that the pain becomes a limiting factor in our lives.
• In my particular story, this idea of wounding actually happened even before I recognized it. In kindergarten, there was just something about me that my kindergarten teacher didn’t like. I came to find out later on that it was because of my skin color.
• When I was five years old, I received a very strong, palpable message: before that it was my parents and family and I was surrounded by love, belonging, and acceptance, but when I went out into the world, my kindergarten teacher sent me the message that I was not enough; there was something intrinsically wrong with me.
• When I was in high school, I found my kindergarten report card and my teacher had written that “Barbara will struggle in life and won’t amount to much.”
• At an early age, even before I knew that there was a wound, something opened up inside of me and I spent a lot of my spiritual journey working to out-perform my race.
• As life would go on, I lived in a community that was more than 99% Caucasian, which was not me, so there were many points when that wound would reopen.
• I recognized the blessing that God gave me parents and family who would show me unconditional love and I recognize that not everyone gets that. But in my case, that helped the wound not grow exponentially. I’ve seen many people from diverse communities where that wound keeps opening and deepening.
• Throughout my entire life I tried to heal that wound with performance. Couple that with a faith-based community that was a little more legalistic and add that to competition in a very competitive school environment and that set me up later in life to have other family difficulties like addiction issues and my divorce, where some of the themes of my past wounds would be repeated and meant that God needed to do a lot of healing.
• Often, some of the wounds that are the most painful start in childhood before we know who we are in Christ, before we can recognize that there is another voice that whispers to us. Because it happens when we are so young, it becomes entrenched, and we continue to carry those lies into other situations. That’s the enemy’s M.O. in that he will always go back to where he was effective in our lives before.
• Fast-forward 40 years later from that 5-year-old girl to 45-year-old me when I was in the midst of a divorce after 26 years of marriage. This was not a place I ever thought I would be. I had been on staff at a church for many years, was an author and a speaker for many years, and I loved Jesus when a significant portion of my life was ending. I went 8 years trying to hold on to a marriage where addiction was running rampant in a spouse who was struggling and who eventually left.
• All of those performance issues and trying to do the very best that I could in my capacity, on March 11, 2019, I literally crawled up the steps to my third floor apartment after my divorce hearing, and I laid in bed for 3 days. I was so overwhelmed with the trauma of it all that I lost the ability to speak. I could text but not speak.
• Just because we love Jesus and are walking with Jesus does not mean that life does not get overwhelming.
• In that season of life, I had to reform a part of my identity in Christ. I knew that I was deeply loved by God. I knew that he was with me and for me. But I had lost a significant part of myself in the brokenness of my family and who I thought I was and who I would be from that moment on.
• A friend encouraged me to pray and ask God for a new name. I had been Mrs. Roose for 26 years. As I prayed over the next month, God gave me a phrase that constituted my new name: “You are God’s beautiful, loveable, capable daughter. You are confident in Christ, and you are worthy of God’s best.”
• If you follow after Christ, you are going to participate in suffering. You are going to go through stuff, but God can and will redeem it.
• Healing began years before in a healing journey. The evidence of healing took a while, but I had the opportunity to work with great Christian counselors on things in me that I knew weren’t where God wanted me to be. So that healing journey began about 7-8 years before the divorce.
• During the pandemic, I was divorced and an empty nester all within six months. I had lost my father, my father-in-law and my husband all within one year.
• But one spring day, I sensed God whisper “I have restored what the locusts have eaten.” And in that, I realized I had the perfect peace of God.
• As a Christian woman, the “scarlet D” for divorce is something that is like a 1,000-pound heavy weight. That weight of shame was so deep and as I began talking with other friends who had been through similar experiences, there was a compassion that I began to develop.
• For me to let go of the shame meant clinging to the promises of God’s truth because Satan was using that “scarlet D” as a sword.
• I began doing something called “God Morning; God Night.” I began doing this during my alcoholism years. Alcohol walked in my door at 7am every morning so when I first woke up, I had to deal with the effects of alcoholism first thing in the morning. So, I began repeating 5 promises of God to myself before I put my feet on the floor. Later on, I would tape that note card on my bathroom mirror so I would steal myself to God’s promises. That was a slow march, every day believing the promises of God and repeating them until the whisper of shame faded away.
• The ABC’s of the wilderness season:
  • A: Always believe God loves you
  • B: Believe God’s promises for you
  • C: Challenge yourself to surrender and let go of what you can’t control
• Surrender really is the path of peace. God’s got it, and it may not look like it, but the reality is that he is able to do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine. When we let go and release our circumstances to God, we need and receive his peace and his power to get through it.

Scripture References:

• Joel 2:25 NIV “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm—my great army that I sent among you.”

Recommended Resources:

• Stronger Than Stress: 10 Spiritual Practices to Win the Battle of Overwhelm by Barb Roose
• Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms
• Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
• Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
• Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Trusting God Through Cancer 1
• Trusting God Through Cancer 2
• Revive & Thrive Women's Conference
• Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.)
• Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win

Social Media Links for Guest and Host:

Connect with Barb Roose:

Website / Book / Facebook / X / Instagram

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube

Guest:

Barb Roose is a popular speaker and author who is passionate about teaching women to live beautifully strong and courageous in spite of their fears so that they can experience God’s great adventure of faith and purpose for their lives. Since 2005, Barb has been speaking to audiences in the US and abroad, including national platforms such as the Aspire Women’s Events, She Speaks Conference, and the UMC Leadership Institute. She’s a Bible teacher who loves following God more than anything else in life. Barb makes God’s Word come alive through powerful teaching, personal stories and practical next steps. Audiences love her authenticity and humor. Barb is a real woman who has experienced depression and anxiety, parenting challenges, family addiction trauma and long seasons of walking by faith in unanswered prayer. Rather than teaching audiences to follow God to get what they want, Barb inspires audiences to discover that God is all they need!

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson